Goodbye old life - welcome new

I now had a place to live in Leicester and in 10 days, I'd be there. I had a huge list of things to do and very little time to do it.

My son Kitan was scheduled to have an operation to remove his tonsils and adenoids as well as have grommits put in his ears. Quite a lot for a little 2 year old. It meant 3 days in hospital and only 2 days with him at home before I set off. The company had wanted me to start a week earlier but I had to put them off a week because of my baby - even before I started, I was already whipping out the baby excuse. No wonder companies avoid hiring mothers. Still that was my primary job and there was no way I could leave before making sure he was okay and safe back at home.

It had been 4 years since I last dressed formally for work, I was a size 12 then. Now a size 16, nothing I had fit.

I needed work clothes but with very little money spare, Tunji did not want me to get cheap stuff and I did not want to wait so I wrote cheques willy nilly then put pressure on him to put the cash in my account so the cheques did not bounce. To make this adventure work, I still needed him and I knew he was glad I did.

I also needed to service my car so it was reliable enough to make the weekly journed to and from Leicester.

With all the other expenses, in all, moving to Leicester was going to cost almost £2000 pounds. Not cheap!

When it came to going into hospital, everything was ready and bought so I could throw myself into being a full-time mummy for probably the last time. It was me and my baby - just like it was in the beginning. Being in hospital reminded me of when he was born, only this time, he was the one in the bed and I was the one sleeping in the recliner chair beside him. I told him a million times "Mummy loves you" and he'd look at me with his large eyes and cheeky smile, totally unaware that his world was going to change big-time in a few days.

Why was I doing this again? Why was I going to Leicester? Surely with my child where I should be? Being a mother is what I should be doing? I did'nt know of any other mother who had left her child to go off and work and I felt selfish and guilty.