Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Easter Tears

I usually have mixed feelings about Easter ever since my sister died 11 years ago around Easter time. This year, her anniversary fell on Good Friday. I remember being devastated at the time and thinking why would God resurrect His son but leave my sister dead? It was hard to celebrate Easter. But time is a healer and 11 years on, it does not hurt as much and for the first time I did not cry as I remembered. I am grateful for the resurrection of Christ which means I have the assurance of seeing her again one day.

On Friday, we treated Kitan to a bus ride to Oxford Street and then walked over to Hyde park where we met up with his beloved cousins for a boat ride on the Serpentine Lake.

at the park

As you can see, it was a beautiful sunny day. Children really give you the opportunity of seeing things with totally fresh eyes and delighting in the most mundane things. They had a swell time not that you could tell from their little worried faces in the picture.


On Saturday, Tunji took Kitan out and I spent hours working on the perfect CV. It's only a few more weeks left and it was time I got my act together. Whatever decision I did make, be it 'sit at home', work for church or get another I.T job, I still needed to get my CV out there. After much tweaking and fine-tuning, I was proud of my handiwork. I remembered to pray for God's blessings so that as I send it out, job offers will flow in. IJN. AMEN!!!

Sunday was spent in church and afterwards at home having lunch with friends. Tunji surprised us by ordering a large, really yummy cake - sorry Roz - if I had known he was making an order, I would have ordered from you - not that you were around over Easter anyway.

Our yummy Easter cake

Monday messed me up! I had decided to go and get my hair braided and made an appointment for 10am. When I got there, the lady said it would take 4 hours, 5 at the most. No probs I thought... I would be done by 3pm and still have lots of time to spend with Kitan because I had barely seen him that morning before I left home. I figured I might take him to the fun fair at Alexandra Palace or go see my friend in Stevenage.


Anyway, the hair took ages and when I called home at 8pm to ask that they keep him awake for me, Diane said he had gone to sleep already. I was so upset. I did not leave the 'salon' until 9:15pm and got home at 9:30pm.

A whole day at home in London and I did not see my baby for more than 20 mins.

How precious are these days at home? How could I have wasted a whole day doing my hair? But I need to do my hair! How can I win? I was in tears and unconsolable, eventually crying myself to sleep. I wanted Tunji to tell me to stay home but he did not, instead he said "it's a short week and you'll see him at the weekend". After seeing how upset I was, by morning, he had changed his mind and begged me to stay home, I said "Oh and deprive you of the ££££ pounds I would have made... surely not!"

Should I have stayed home or was I right to go?

Needless to say, I was a sad, depressed and broken woman driving up to Leicester this morning.


5 comments:

chioma said...

I know when my dad died last year, I was like God how come you heal other people and let my sweet daddy die..but your right I guess time does heal the pain. God bless her soul.EhyaH..I am sure you felt really bad missing kitan.most times i put my kids to bed and my husband always feels bad when he comes home and they are asleep, didnt know how much it hurt till it happened to me almost woke them up!
kitans looking as cute as ever with his life jacket..hmm should be having a baby girl soon..so suburban mum watch your back!lol

suburbannaijamom said...

sorry chioma, i got ist dibs.

omara dear, as my favourite saying hoes, it is well. i am glad that ur are in a good place in regards to ur sister. of course thru the assurance that u will both meet again thru christ.

don't be mad at tunji abt him not asking u to stay. he may just be a little insensitive to the feeling as he doen't have to go thru that. i am sure he meant well by asking u in the morning.

if u went to boarding school in naija u should know that song which in ur case would be, three more wks to go home, three more weeks to see kitan, three more weeks to see tunji, three more weeks to eat jollof rice :)

Unknown said...

Best wishes with sending ur CV out. I say a big AMEN to claiming that job. May ur sister rest in perfect peace. Seems like you guys had a fun day out on the lake.

Roz said...

Omara Hi

Sending you hug, I don't know how it feels to lose someone sooo close (something I wish would never happen in this world)

I have felt pain in other areas of my life and yes time is a healer...

Pele dear, it is well. Your sister is in a place where there is no suffering or pain - I'm sure she is smiling down at you right now.

Remi Fagbohun said...

awwww
You have to realize you can not keep beating yourself up like this. You are truly doing the best you can...realize that and let it go. There will be no end if you keep feeling so guilty.

I hope you are better now.
Hugs
xoxoxo

France, Italy, Spain - here we come!

Omara's Weight loss progress (started diet 17th March 2007)