Tuesday, April 17, 2007

What do I REALLY want?

Festival of Life was awesome! The prayers, the music, the preaching... all of it was great and sooooo soul refreshing. The theme was "All will be well" and Pastor E.A Adeboye preached on how that statement meant different things to different people. To the sick, it means healing, to the poor, it means prosperity, to the childless, it means fruitfulness, to the lonely, it means companionship etc...

I had to ask myself, what does "All will be well" mean to me? I won't lie, I struggled to come up with a concise answer. I backed up and asked myself "What do I really want?" - No answer.

Still, at the event, I was caught in the spiritual euphoria and claimed every prayer point for myself and my loved ones.

It was not until later, on Sunday, that I came across an article in the Sunday Times and asked myself again "What do I really want?"

The article was about how every one should have a reason to leap out of bed in the morning. How we need to focus on achieving our goals one bit at a time, how we need to slow down and re-evaluate our lives regularly to make new goals and scrap old ones.

Right now, I really feel ready for a change but I'm not sure what that change should be or if I am brave enough to embark on it. The article mentioned 'being and staying positive and optimistic', research has shown that those "deluded optimists" are happier and more successful.

I know I have been quite negative - about my Leicester experience, about my life, about most things and I'm going to be changing that. I'm also going to be working on figuring out what excites me. In a positive way, without beating myself up about it. As the article suggested, I'm going to try out new things and old things in a new way - something may spark my interest and excite me.

About after Leicester, none of the options before me right now are 100% appealing so I'm not going to focus on convincing myself one way or the other, I'll just go with the flow and keep a look out for what else is out there.

One of the delegates I was training took sometime off this week to attend the funeral of his cousin. A 28 year old woman, who just went to bed and never woke up. She was not ill, no one killed her. Her autopsy report said "died of natural causes". She leaves behind her husband and 2 young children.

I don't want that to be me, so weighed down with problems and stress, not happy, not joyful, so much so that one day I just don't wake up. God forbid!

I've tried this week to be positive and optimistic and this is what's happened so far:

1. Some of my delegates requested an evening this week to practice what they've learnt before their assessment. We are very short staffed at the moment, so I offered to stay back for the 2 hours on the Thursday they were requesting on the condition I get Friday off - and my manager agreed! 2 hours extra work for a whole day off! Super.

2. I arranged to drop my car at a garage on my way to work this morning for an MOT. The mechanic had said they can only give me a lift to work if I drop the car off at 9am. I start training at 9am so that wouldn't work. I said okay but took the car in at 8am. The guy was there but said he could not leave until others get in at 9am, I said "no problem, I'll wait". But I had prayed for God to make a way and I was expectant. 5 minutes later, a woman pulled up to drop off a car battery, as she got into her car, I approached her and asked if she would drop me at work. It was out of her way but she agreed and I got to work for 8:20am

3. My car passed MOT - first time! No additional mechanical work required and this is a car I punish with 180 miles motorway driving every week.

So what do I really want? I still don't know for sure but I'm going to pray to have a happy, joyful, optimistic and positive journey finding out.

p.s. Have you noticed the Weekly Poll to the left? There's a new question every week and I'd love to know what you think. No personal details are collected at all, just your view on the question asked. You can see what others think too by clicking 'View Results'. Thanks!


Roz said...

Omara hiya,

I was thinking about you on that Friday night, knowing that you will be getting some serious spiritual refilling! Thanks for your comment. After I wrote the post...'from the heart', I looked at it again and thought... it was way too depressing and I didn't want my life to mirror that emotion. Hey, yes a change is going to come, I will do my bit and leave the rest to God... I will TRY not to agonise over things like I used to. Like it said in your post, focusing on my goals one bit at a time and not agonising over things that are not happening the way I WANT THEM to happen. When we really think about it, our lives aren't really that bad, it's just that we want better - which ain't a bad thing to want. It is the way we agonise over the wanting bit that dampens our mood. Funny thing, the last couple of days, all the daily readings etc I've been looking at, have all talked about in one way or another, having a joyful heart...

Omara said...

@Roz - these 'down' times come every now and again, the thing is to shake it off and press on.

Nael C. Robes said...

You sound so upbeat and spiritually fit! I have you in my prayers so that you can decide what your next challenge should be. Thanks for the visit to my blog. I still can't tell if I'm pregnant or not. This is a bit ridiculous. But, I guess time will tell.

Ugo Daniels said...

wat a question? makes sense though!

Calabar Gal said...

I was there too and I know that "All will be well" indeed with each and everyone of us. You have made a very good point. "What do i really want?" Its got me thinking and I now know what I'm going to be doing to put that into practice.

Pilgrimage to Self said...

This is really, really weird but I think there is something in the air this month. Yours is about the fourth blog I have visited which seems to have the same reocurring theme - Making a Change. I just know I am being told something and I am listening! It's uncanny because only today I blogged about something similar as well.

France, Italy, Spain - here we come!

Omara's Weight loss progress (started diet 17th March 2007)