Being Me

Work was really good this week, I feel all I have strived for in this place with regards remaining true to my authentic self, I am closer to achieving.

After the first few weeks of trying to be 'Ms Please Everyone' and then becoming 'Ms I Don't Give a Damn', I think I more 'Ms Me' now.

And who am I?

Some days I don't feel like talking and some days I do... When I do talk, I am direct and honest but silly sometimes. Humourous but also quite serious. I am passionate about the things I believe in but can often be fickle too. I'm a softy with a shiny steel armour.

It's not realistic for me to like everyone and for everyone to like me. I'm cool with that... now!

I can be very organised and analytical but I'm laid back and not 'precious' about my material possesions.

I'm happy to be a Christian, it's a life saver believe me, but I'm so not where I should be and often times not even trying...

I'm not just one thing. I'm a bit like everyone else I know but I'm also uniquely 'Me'.

More importantly, I'm this same 'Me' at home, at church, with friends, with family and now, thank Goodness, at work too.

I got in Monday about 1pm because I was working the evening shift... I was 'paying' for the time spent this morning with my 'boys'. Still, it was worth it. Official training was coming to an end and we were conducting 'Grad Bay' sessions. These are one-to-one sessions with individuals who had gone through training, testing them on various tasks they should be able to do in the system, based on the training they had and extra practice time they should have put in. Each Grad Bay session lasts an hour. They have to pass 5/5 of a series of General Navigation tasks, then 5/5 of tasks specific to their job role.

The first thing I had to do was learn what I was going to be asking them to do. There were 20 tasks per section and each trainer/assessor had to select 5 of varying degrees of complexity for them to do.

It was one thing to train out material based on slides and simulations, but now the tasks were being done in the live system and one was in danger of showing oneself up. Everyone is a bit of an expert in their area but I noticed that asking someone to share their knowledge was like asking for a pound of flesh and instead of the trainers assessing, there was way too much conversation going on between assessor and delegate, I was sure there was coaching going on. Some of the tasks did not work properly in the live system and instead of the trainers reporting this so it is fixed, they were passing delegates on the basis of them just 'talking through the task'. All of this was not on and against the rules.

By the time I started assessing delegates later that afternoon, I was getting one fail after another. I felt bad doing it but should I do what some of the other assessors were doing or do it by the book? I had no choice, this was the outcome and I was comfortable with it.

Wednesday and Thursday was spent out of Grad Bay and training a class. Despite the delegates blank faces during training, I got great feedback and felt really good.

The problem with blogging is my friends don't call me as much because they know all about what's going on through here, so what's to talk about?

So I was grateful for Bernie's call on Thursday morning, just to encourage me to hang in there and it'll soon be over. We talked about job options in London and I felt more optimistic - or so I thought. At lunch time, I was with one of my puppies when I decided to call home and speak with Kitan. I put the phone on speaker so she could hear his voice as we chatted away. He sang for me, told me he loved me then said "Bye". When I hung up, tears welled up in my eyes and started dropping, right there in the staff restaurant.

I was being silly. Even if I was in working London, I'd be away from home at work at that very point in time but it was hearing his high little voice, his singing, his laughing - I could not help myself.

It's Mother's Day this weekend, and I don't want anything fancy or any fuss. I just want to chill at home with my baby and bask in his sweet unconditional love and attention.

p.s. Did you notice the change in the blog title and the little script below the title... I've decided to keep the blog on after Leicester, if only for a while, to tell about my return home and to what lies in store.