It's the time of the month again. I'm not even sure where I am in my cycle and I should be after my pregnancy scare last month.
After years of charting, plotting, monitoring and all what not while TTC, I've just switched off from it completely. Through the mercy of God, after 4 years, I eventually got pregnant and had my beautiful baby and in him I am totally fulfilled in my role as mother.
Hubby on the other hand would like one more. I wouldn't hate one more but I don't want to kill myself over it. Who would see fire and put their hand? TTC was more stressful for me than for him. I was the one waking up to take my temps, I was the one reading books, taking all sorts of herbal supplements, having and recovering from fibroid operation, crying when after all that the period still came. Once, on my birthday.
I just don't want to go there anymore. I really don't.
But he does not understand.
He says: "God did it before, He can do it again"
I say: "So let Him do it again, what do you need me for?"
He says: "We need to be in agreement"
I give up. I can't agree this. It'll take me right back there again, and I don't want to go.
There are other issues too! The AS/SS/AA possibilities. My life, Me, My career. His family. My son. He'll no longer be my special baby, the only one who looked down from heaven, pitied me and asked God to send him. I want to give him the world... will he now have to share it?
It's the time of the month. My stomach cramps, I feel sick, my mood is black and I have to stand in front of a class Tuesday and Wednesday with a big smile on my face.
Pray for me.
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8 comments:
....there is an eight year gap between my daughter and her younger brother. The gap wasn't intended, and there were no medical reasons for it being that way.... it was just life and the way it is. To start off with, it was the fact that we didn't think we could cope with another child financially, then I got a solid job which was not child friendly to start off with, all the travelling involved! and then it was...(to be honest one thing after another!) before we knew it time had gone.... we finally tried and unfortunately I had a miscarriage...that hit me bad! The funny thing was that with the pregnancy I was so worried, how could it be possible to love my daughter soooooo much and then still find love for the new addition. We waited a bit and tried again....PRAISE GOD, our son came... and believe you me, I am AMAZED at where this endless love has come from. So dear if it is LOVE for another child that you are worried about, it will come and hit you like you wont believe!!!!
OMG your baby really is SPECIAL!!! I know how the SS possibi;ities issues can be... so I thank God for his life (and good health)!
My cousin is in the same situation as you... she has two children... both are AA...thank God :)
Just got back safetly from Lagos with my 4month old bundle of Joy & I finally understand what you meant when you first told me you are not sure you want another child. Am I capable of this much love for another child, do I want to rob this child of all the attention he gets, can I share all this special routines e.t.c with another child.
I dont have any sickle cell isuues to consider but I know that we both know we serve a mighty God who will not give us more than we can handle.
p.s - congrats on your decision about Leicester
p.p.s - how in God's name did you get away with going to prague. was it business or pleasure so I know how i can or if i should tell you off. To be honest the thought that Ladi might do that to me & since I did that would mean I couldnt kill him :-)
I praise the Lord for giving you kitan, like i have said before you are blessed. When my first son was six months I got pregnant, my husband was crushed. He wanted another child but not for another 3 years..throughout the pregnancy he whined and complained..at one one point he looked at nonso my oldest and said.."how can I possibly love another child when I haven't finishes loving nonso" I mean he(we both) adored his son and couldn't fanthom having anymore love for another child...but now I see how much he is in live with both my kids. Its just a miracle how God give us the ability to love and be good parents. There are 6 of us and my parents always made us feel special and loved.
All the best with whatever you decide you want. I don't know what its like to struggle with AS/SS issues but God is able.
Sweetheart, i believe GOD knows how to make us love our children individually. Our parents have done it and so also can we.
I read ur blog and i smiled thinking how ironic can this life get? I have been TTC for 2years now and going thru the same thing charting, timing, popping pills etc and just hoping each month passes without AF coming for a visit.
I want a baby to shower all the love i have and maybe would have thought the same way u do but now i want TWINS and i am sure i will love them both so so much.
Let God just work in ur lives and he knows ur hearts desires, and will give u another baby when u are good and ready, DH will understand i am sure.
im so happy for you, and God bless your husband for standing by you all the while you couldn't have a baby. Did your inlaws give you problems? I would be suprised if they didn't. I understand what you mean by your baby is special, but i think your husband is right. Since God gave you a child, he will give you another one, and it won't make you love your 1st child less. thats for sure. You will then have 2 bundles of happiness. Your husband stood by you all this while as well, do the same for him
Honey, i tried too for about 2 years before i had my boy and i love him to bit just like you do yours...
I say dont STRESS...just pray and trust that this will happen and it will happen PERFECTLY...
God loves you already, he gave you a child...dont worry, everything will fall into place.
I assure you...remember i said this! AND TRUST ME...you will be able to love all the children God throws your way.
I cant wait until i have me a girl man, i want to do the pigtails and the dresses and the ankara's to match mommys outfits and what not...
Aaaaaaahhhh...*daydreaming*
Bobby
I thank God his many blessings. There is so much that we take forgranted. Like the ability to concieve. What you have is a testimony to encourage other women. Thank God for his many many blessings. God is able to do above and beyond what you can ever hope or think of.
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