I don't know if it's because he's had a nanny change plus my being away after our intense week together in Portugal, but Kitan has become extremely clingy. Uncomfortably so. He's always wanting to be carried and when I'm sat down, he's on me. I can't leave the room he's in and if I'm with him, he won't go with anyone else, not even Daddy.
Tiny bits of this is cute... I feel all loved and wanted but now we've crossed the line and instead I'm feeling suffocated... and guilty for feeling suffocated.
The weekend was spent with friends and family - Saturday was with my pregnant friend who arrived a few weeks ago to have her baby (see post Friend in Deed), she just found out she was going to be having a son. She has 2 other boys. On Sunday, my sister and her family came round for lunch. Kitan was over the moon to have his beloved cousins visiting. He hadn't seen them since we all got back from Portugal.
I also spent the weekend seriously considering what impact another child will on me and the family. You see, I'd had a pregnancy scare. That's the best way to describe it. I'm usually never late, my cycle is the bog-standard 28 days. I not very careful with noting my dates but by last Thursday, I felt I should have had a period already but I did not have a clue when the last one was. Thank God for my blog (see post 12 weeks gone - almost halfway), I was able to calculate that I was 4 days late. Wow! That had never happened before. I sent text to my friend and she suggested I got a pregnancy test (duh!). The last time I bought one of those was Kitan's lifetime + 37 weeks ago - or thereabouts. Anyway, Friday morning, I popped into Sainsbury's on my way to work and picked one up. I did not have the chance to use it until nearer lunchtime but I had to put myself out of my misery. It was negative. I felt Phew! and Drats! - at the same time.
So why was my period late? My friend suggested the stress of the nanny issues (see post Bombshell) etc... sort of held it off. Possible I guess.
Anyway, 2 nights of passionate 'you know what' with hubby over the weekend meant my period arrived in full force on Sunday. So it was official, definitely not pregnant.
Still, it did make me seriously wonder what having another baby - another clingy Kitan - would be like. Mmmmm.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Where is everyone???
Bored this evening, I checked out my fav blogs: 'crazy surburbanaijamom', 'trendy funky bluntremi', 'me myself and I' - even my new pal 'Chioma - Proud Naija Wife and Mother' and nobody has updated in ages! How boring. Surely it can't take that long to recover from Valentines?!
I've lost track of what week I'm in right now but I've got my eye firmly on the finish line - end of June. What will happen to this blog?
Tuesday morning after much discussion, delibration and some prayer, we decided to go with Diane (mum of 7) as opposed to Wendy (mum of 14 + bad reference). I took all the various bits of advice I got on board (thanks y'all) but at the end of the day, I could not get away from the fact that some how God had made it possible for us to know about Wendy instead of falling for her outward homely appearance. The other lady arriving at the weekend will be 'passed on' to a friend.
I picked up Diane from the station at 11am and began settling her in at home. Dominique had spoilt me and it was hard to explain about Kitan, his routine, his meals, the house cleaning etc... Kitan ofcourse observed her for the first few hours from behind my legs but slowly and surely he began to get a bit more comfortable with her around. At one point I was going through the family album with her, more to get Kitan close to her because he loves going through the album. At first he was leaning on me, looking at the pictures and calling out the names of people he knew and the next thing he was leaning on her with out realising.
On Wednesday, he went to nursery but I'd decided to stay out of sight so when Diane and my cousin went to pick him up from nursery, Diane fed him when he got home and played with him. From my hiding place upstairs in bed, I did not hear any crying... just laughter and sounds of playing. By the time I came down hours later, he clung to me like 'white on rice' but I knew he would be okay with her. Thank God.
Work as well were surprisingly supportive. I was due to train on Thursday morning, so I sent an email to SN asking to work the afternoon from home (and so get paid) and for him to email me the slides for the courses I'd be training so I could prepare. He was very compliant, again dispatching his minions to send me the files I needed. Infact when I drove in this morning (Thursday), he was very friendly and helpful. Abeg! I'm not fooled jare. Whatever.
The weekend looms and I am at peace as calm descends on my home. Cleaning done, baby taken care off, crisis over.
I've lost track of what week I'm in right now but I've got my eye firmly on the finish line - end of June. What will happen to this blog?
Tuesday morning after much discussion, delibration and some prayer, we decided to go with Diane (mum of 7) as opposed to Wendy (mum of 14 + bad reference). I took all the various bits of advice I got on board (thanks y'all) but at the end of the day, I could not get away from the fact that some how God had made it possible for us to know about Wendy instead of falling for her outward homely appearance. The other lady arriving at the weekend will be 'passed on' to a friend.
I picked up Diane from the station at 11am and began settling her in at home. Dominique had spoilt me and it was hard to explain about Kitan, his routine, his meals, the house cleaning etc... Kitan ofcourse observed her for the first few hours from behind my legs but slowly and surely he began to get a bit more comfortable with her around. At one point I was going through the family album with her, more to get Kitan close to her because he loves going through the album. At first he was leaning on me, looking at the pictures and calling out the names of people he knew and the next thing he was leaning on her with out realising.
On Wednesday, he went to nursery but I'd decided to stay out of sight so when Diane and my cousin went to pick him up from nursery, Diane fed him when he got home and played with him. From my hiding place upstairs in bed, I did not hear any crying... just laughter and sounds of playing. By the time I came down hours later, he clung to me like 'white on rice' but I knew he would be okay with her. Thank God.
Work as well were surprisingly supportive. I was due to train on Thursday morning, so I sent an email to SN asking to work the afternoon from home (and so get paid) and for him to email me the slides for the courses I'd be training so I could prepare. He was very compliant, again dispatching his minions to send me the files I needed. Infact when I drove in this morning (Thursday), he was very friendly and helpful. Abeg! I'm not fooled jare. Whatever.
The weekend looms and I am at peace as calm descends on my home. Cleaning done, baby taken care off, crisis over.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Back To Work and Nannymania
After confirming and re-confirming with Diane that she was happy to start on Tuesday, I left for Leicester on Sunday night.
I had training on Monday so I squeezed myself (all those Portugese catalanas and creme caramel desserts did not help) into a skirt suit and made my way to the office.
I was early so no one was in when I got there but SN, my manager soon arrived. He was falling over himself to be pleasant, saying it was nice to have me back, asking of my holiday etc etc... internally, I could not figure why I was not more receptive when I remembered that it was the first time I'd seen him since his stupid email to me. "Idiot" I thought as I sweetly answered his questions, smiling. He scurried to help me carry the manuals I needed to the training room and dispatched one of his minions to help me sort out the projector and any other stuff I might need. When I relayed my childcare problems, he was sooooo sympathetic and was happy to grant me the Tues and Wed off I requested to return home to settle my new nanny in.
Was this SN I thought? No, it was God. It could only be. Anyway, at this rate, with 6 days off for holiday and another 2 days back in London, plus February is the shortest month, there'll probably be no need to bill them at the end of the month as I'd hardly have done any time at all!
Everybody was really pleasant, even Fran the main boss guy... I thought I had stumbled into a parallel world version of my office but where everyone was nice.
I left after training and headed off home. I had arranged another interview that evening with another potential nanny even though I had sealed the deal with Diane. My eyes were now 'hard', no room for sentiment, if I liked this one better, I'd ask Diane (or rather get my sister to call her pretending to be me) not to bother starting.
I also had another potential arriving on Saturday or Tuesday next week and if I liked her, then I'd get whoever was in the house at the moment to leave. Hee hee hee
I had nannies trooping in from every corner. Tunji ofcourse thought I was crazy and warned "you better know what you are doing".
Anyway, I met up with the second potential, Wendy, and she looked more like you'd expect a nanny to look. When I asked her how many children she had, she said "a lot". Well, a lot to me is the number of children Diane has which is 7, so I said "7?" Wendy said "No, 14" I said "Sorry? Do you mean you have 14 children?" She nodded her head with a weary look on her face like she'd woken up each time and found another addition to her family. "Any twins?" "No" she said. "Wow!"
We got home from the station where I'd picked her up and Kitan ran to me at the door. The first thing Wendy said was "he looks familiar, I've seen this baby before". I was like "Which baby? You can't mean my son. Where?" Then Tunji came out to meet us in the hallway and she said "I know this man from somewhere" - this was getting crazy. I asked her what was the name of the family she was working with before. She had already told me the 'madam' kicked her out when she had a bad flu recently and could not work for a few days. It turns out that husband is Tunji's very good friend and Tunji had gone there recently with Kitan. This is why she recognised them. To cut a long story short, when we called them for a reference on her, they were falling over themselves to list all the issues they'd had with her resulting in them asking her to leave. Yikes!
While Tunji was on the phone with his pal, I had been showing her round the house, explaining the chores, eventually offering her the job and asking her to start the next day, same as Diane. Tunji asked me to tell her we could not take her, but I did not have the heart to as I dropped her off at the station.
So now tomorrow, I have Diane starting at 11am and Wendy starting at 1pm not to mention Jenny arriving within a week to start.
Even with the bad report, I still prefer Wendy, most of the issues against her can be put down to clash of personalities. My sister says go with Wendy as she's been recommended by her own nanny and Diane is a total stranger. My friend Kemi says go with Diane as my being away from home will give Wendy liberty to take licence if she already has the tendency to be lazy and overuse the phone calling her 14 children everyday.
I'm going to wait till the morning and see how I feel.
p.s A new phrase that tripped me as I was reading a blog: "What the hell ever"
I had training on Monday so I squeezed myself (all those Portugese catalanas and creme caramel desserts did not help) into a skirt suit and made my way to the office.
I was early so no one was in when I got there but SN, my manager soon arrived. He was falling over himself to be pleasant, saying it was nice to have me back, asking of my holiday etc etc... internally, I could not figure why I was not more receptive when I remembered that it was the first time I'd seen him since his stupid email to me. "Idiot" I thought as I sweetly answered his questions, smiling. He scurried to help me carry the manuals I needed to the training room and dispatched one of his minions to help me sort out the projector and any other stuff I might need. When I relayed my childcare problems, he was sooooo sympathetic and was happy to grant me the Tues and Wed off I requested to return home to settle my new nanny in.
Was this SN I thought? No, it was God. It could only be. Anyway, at this rate, with 6 days off for holiday and another 2 days back in London, plus February is the shortest month, there'll probably be no need to bill them at the end of the month as I'd hardly have done any time at all!
Everybody was really pleasant, even Fran the main boss guy... I thought I had stumbled into a parallel world version of my office but where everyone was nice.
I left after training and headed off home. I had arranged another interview that evening with another potential nanny even though I had sealed the deal with Diane. My eyes were now 'hard', no room for sentiment, if I liked this one better, I'd ask Diane (or rather get my sister to call her pretending to be me) not to bother starting.
I also had another potential arriving on Saturday or Tuesday next week and if I liked her, then I'd get whoever was in the house at the moment to leave. Hee hee hee
I had nannies trooping in from every corner. Tunji ofcourse thought I was crazy and warned "you better know what you are doing".
Anyway, I met up with the second potential, Wendy, and she looked more like you'd expect a nanny to look. When I asked her how many children she had, she said "a lot". Well, a lot to me is the number of children Diane has which is 7, so I said "7?" Wendy said "No, 14" I said "Sorry? Do you mean you have 14 children?" She nodded her head with a weary look on her face like she'd woken up each time and found another addition to her family. "Any twins?" "No" she said. "Wow!"
We got home from the station where I'd picked her up and Kitan ran to me at the door. The first thing Wendy said was "he looks familiar, I've seen this baby before". I was like "Which baby? You can't mean my son. Where?" Then Tunji came out to meet us in the hallway and she said "I know this man from somewhere" - this was getting crazy. I asked her what was the name of the family she was working with before. She had already told me the 'madam' kicked her out when she had a bad flu recently and could not work for a few days. It turns out that husband is Tunji's very good friend and Tunji had gone there recently with Kitan. This is why she recognised them. To cut a long story short, when we called them for a reference on her, they were falling over themselves to list all the issues they'd had with her resulting in them asking her to leave. Yikes!
While Tunji was on the phone with his pal, I had been showing her round the house, explaining the chores, eventually offering her the job and asking her to start the next day, same as Diane. Tunji asked me to tell her we could not take her, but I did not have the heart to as I dropped her off at the station.
So now tomorrow, I have Diane starting at 11am and Wendy starting at 1pm not to mention Jenny arriving within a week to start.
Even with the bad report, I still prefer Wendy, most of the issues against her can be put down to clash of personalities. My sister says go with Wendy as she's been recommended by her own nanny and Diane is a total stranger. My friend Kemi says go with Diane as my being away from home will give Wendy liberty to take licence if she already has the tendency to be lazy and overuse the phone calling her 14 children everyday.
I'm going to wait till the morning and see how I feel.
p.s A new phrase that tripped me as I was reading a blog: "What the hell ever"
Nature strikes back
I've always wondered how people stick on videos in their blogs (see BellaNaija) so this is my attempt at doing same...
I've titled this video "Nature Strikes Back" and if you can bear to watch all 56 seconds of it, you'll see why.
The smaller boy in the blue t-shirt is my baby and this is from our recent holiday to Portugal
I've titled this video "Nature Strikes Back" and if you can bear to watch all 56 seconds of it, you'll see why.
The smaller boy in the blue t-shirt is my baby and this is from our recent holiday to Portugal
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Bombshell!
Where do I start...
We left for Portugal on Friday, 8 of us in total, so it was a large party and with 3 children under 5, it was a challenge getting us all on the flight and off on holiday.
It was lovely there, we went to the Algarve and rented 2 self-catering apartments at the Rocha Brava resort, one for each family. They were really really nice. I've never gone self-catering before but because this time we had a much older Kitan, I wanted the flexibility of setting my own meal times and not having to deal with feeding an unwilling toddler in a restaurant every single day. I'm not sure I be going half-board in a hurry.
The weather was super! I'd left England with snow on the roof tops and Portugal was definitely t-shirt and shorts weather. The evenings got chillier but still only needed a pashmina to wrap over my top.
We'd also rented 2 cars for getting about and discovering the area.
We got there Friday evening, so all we did was unpack and sort out some food. The next day was a very hot day, the hottest day predicted for the time we were there, so we went off to the beach and spent most of the day there. The next day we ventured further afield to Portimao, the children and the husbands went to Zoomarine, a 'Seaworld-type' place, while us ladies went to the discount shopping mall nearby.
I did mention to Tunji that it was so bad of us not to have called home yet and by our 3rd day, we still had not phoned home.
On Tuesday evening, we finally called and I spoke with my cousin. She said everything was fine. I had given both her and Dominique a long spring-cleaning list of chores to do while we were away. Just before I rounded up the call (it was costing 55p a minute) she said "Aunty, I think Dominique is looking for another job" - I was like - "What?!!!" My cousin said she had overheard her on the phone and just wanted to let me know.
When I got off the phone, I told Tunji. I wanted to call Dominque immediately, but he said to leave it till we got back and then discussed it with her. I said "Okay" but was uneasy.
We spent the rest of our time in Portugal visiting little villages and day dreaming about buying a rundown house to do up and use as a holiday bolthole. Property prices were as low as 10,000 Euros - barely £7000! We went to Lagos - we thought it'll be cool to visit our sister 'home town' and see what the differences were with the real Naija Lagos. There was a tourist attraction of a building where slaves were brought to from Africa, stored and auctioned off. We could'nt go in as it was a private art gallery now, but I could not help thinking that did those slaves ever ever ever believe that sometime in the future 'black people like them' will be at this same spot, holidaying and generally living a 'free life'? It really is amazing how temporary any situation can be, even the Slave trade era. When I was little, after being picked up from school by my Dad, he used to entertain us in the car by singing "No condition is permanent in this world..."
How true... as I soon found out on Thursday! We were visiting Silves, another little town, not a lot to see but very picturesque and peaceful when I noticed a couple of texts on my mobile. They were from Dominique telling me that she'd left. Gone! Packed out with no forwarding address, no explanation and no sign that this was in the offing.
Can you imagine that! I was angry, hurt, betrayed, confused..... aaargh! I wanted to scream. I looked at Kitan playing by the fountain and thought "Oh my God, what am I going to do". How could she be so cruel, so callous, so fake, so... words fail me. How could she do this? I was due back at work on Monday! Kitan only goes to nursery 2 days a week. What do I do? Was God sending me a sign? Would I have to quit Leicester. I was in turmoil. Not so much losing her - that was hurtful enough - but more the confusion and disturuption that was now unfolding.
I then remembered how she came to me. When I interviewed her, she told me how wicked the family she was working for were and how they would never let her leave, she said they never paid her. I told her to write them a letter explaining and then sneak out. I would meet her at the end of the road and pick her up. That was how she left them and she'd done it to me too. How ironic! I never expected it but then again, I guess I did.
We left Silves immediately. Kitan was staring into my face as if to say "What is wrong Mummy?" He really loved Dominique, how was he going to cope? I had to make a superhuman effort to be cheerful for his sake but Tunji knew I was very very upset.
After we put Kitan to bed, we went over our options - Get my Mum over? Tunji said "No". Put him in full time nursery? I said "No". Quit my job in Leicester? We both said "No" - Can you imagine saying I have to quit due to childcare issues? How bad is that for us Mums out there? What will that do to the next Mum they interview or even the general perceptions of Mums?
So what do we do?
Many of my friends use me as an un official nanny agent and a friend had recently asked me to help her out. I'd asked another friend Emma who then sent me the number of a lady she knew was available. I just passed the number on but for some reason never deleted it from my phone. I searched for the text and called the lady, Diane. She was still available for work. It seems my friend never followed up my lead. I asked her to come and meet us at home on Saturday for an interview.
I felt a bit better having at least made a little headway into resolving the situation. But still I worried. What if she did not come? What if we did not like her? What if she did not like us? Would my desperation show?
This bombshell messed up the last 2 days of my holiday. On our last full day, Thursday, we went back to the mall shopping again, then on to Alvor, another small fishing village which on closer inspection seemed to have been invaded by the Irish. There were at least 20 Irish bars in the village center alone, not to mention other dotted about. We'd planned a BBQ on the last night. It was really nice, I was finally becoming able to ignore the ensuing 'wahala' at home and concentrate on enjoying and relaxing this last night in Portugal.
------------------------------------
Back in London
We arrived safely at Gatwick airport thank God after a much better flight than we had going out. This time we had the good sense to sit the children separately, they slept and it turned out to be a pleasant journey home.
On driving home, I thought maybe this whole Dominique leaving thing was an early April-fool joke. Tunji thought that would be a very expensive joke if it was. Alas! It was not a joke. We arrived to a spotlessly clean house but no Dominique. Her room was stripped bare of all her things. I interrogated my cousin, getting angrier and angrier as I did so. In the end she was in tears and I was fuming. Tunji had to step in, asking us to calm down. What's done is done.
I called Diane, the potential replacement and she confirmed that she will be in my house tomorrow (Saturday) at 10am.
9:30am on Saturday, my phone rings, it's Diane. She's at my local train station waiting to be picked up as agreed. Tunji went to pick her.
When I came down to meet her, she was this tall, fair skinned woman. She was wearing tight jeans, high boots with her hair in shaggy blonde streaked style. "Oh my God" I thought to myself inside. A total opposite to demure butter-won't-melt-in-her-mouth Dominique. Still we pressed on with the interview. Kitan had not seemed to miss Dominique so far but did not take full heartedly to this new woman. She's 41 in May she told us. She has 7 children that she raised her self back home in Trinidad.
The interview seemed to go well, she was happy with her responsibilities and I'd stressed that we were having a trial period of 4 months - until my contract in Leicester was over, after which we can review the situation and choose whether or not to continue. My sister's nanny Viola is also from Trinidad, so I called her and she chatted with Diane, then told me later on the phone that she seemed okay.
Anyway, I was desperate and she seemed fine. My cousin would be around to oversee whenever she was not in school and it was only for 4 months at the worst.
We offered her the job and she accepted to start on Tuesday Feb. 20th.
By God's grace, getting a replacement was arranged within a week of Dominique leaving. Diane has not started yet and I don't know how it will work out but still, I thank God. We are fasting this month and know that God has removed anyone from our lives who is not supposed to be there. He is purging us all the time and we have to be willing to let go of things that have outstayed their usefulness for fear of them becoming harmful. He has minimised the disruption to nil and I can only continue to trust Him going forward.
We left for Portugal on Friday, 8 of us in total, so it was a large party and with 3 children under 5, it was a challenge getting us all on the flight and off on holiday.
It was lovely there, we went to the Algarve and rented 2 self-catering apartments at the Rocha Brava resort, one for each family. They were really really nice. I've never gone self-catering before but because this time we had a much older Kitan, I wanted the flexibility of setting my own meal times and not having to deal with feeding an unwilling toddler in a restaurant every single day. I'm not sure I be going half-board in a hurry.
The weather was super! I'd left England with snow on the roof tops and Portugal was definitely t-shirt and shorts weather. The evenings got chillier but still only needed a pashmina to wrap over my top.
We'd also rented 2 cars for getting about and discovering the area.
We got there Friday evening, so all we did was unpack and sort out some food. The next day was a very hot day, the hottest day predicted for the time we were there, so we went off to the beach and spent most of the day there. The next day we ventured further afield to Portimao, the children and the husbands went to Zoomarine, a 'Seaworld-type' place, while us ladies went to the discount shopping mall nearby.
I did mention to Tunji that it was so bad of us not to have called home yet and by our 3rd day, we still had not phoned home.
On Tuesday evening, we finally called and I spoke with my cousin. She said everything was fine. I had given both her and Dominique a long spring-cleaning list of chores to do while we were away. Just before I rounded up the call (it was costing 55p a minute) she said "Aunty, I think Dominique is looking for another job" - I was like - "What?!!!" My cousin said she had overheard her on the phone and just wanted to let me know.
When I got off the phone, I told Tunji. I wanted to call Dominque immediately, but he said to leave it till we got back and then discussed it with her. I said "Okay" but was uneasy.
We spent the rest of our time in Portugal visiting little villages and day dreaming about buying a rundown house to do up and use as a holiday bolthole. Property prices were as low as 10,000 Euros - barely £7000! We went to Lagos - we thought it'll be cool to visit our sister 'home town' and see what the differences were with the real Naija Lagos. There was a tourist attraction of a building where slaves were brought to from Africa, stored and auctioned off. We could'nt go in as it was a private art gallery now, but I could not help thinking that did those slaves ever ever ever believe that sometime in the future 'black people like them' will be at this same spot, holidaying and generally living a 'free life'? It really is amazing how temporary any situation can be, even the Slave trade era. When I was little, after being picked up from school by my Dad, he used to entertain us in the car by singing "No condition is permanent in this world..."
How true... as I soon found out on Thursday! We were visiting Silves, another little town, not a lot to see but very picturesque and peaceful when I noticed a couple of texts on my mobile. They were from Dominique telling me that she'd left. Gone! Packed out with no forwarding address, no explanation and no sign that this was in the offing.
Can you imagine that! I was angry, hurt, betrayed, confused..... aaargh! I wanted to scream. I looked at Kitan playing by the fountain and thought "Oh my God, what am I going to do". How could she be so cruel, so callous, so fake, so... words fail me. How could she do this? I was due back at work on Monday! Kitan only goes to nursery 2 days a week. What do I do? Was God sending me a sign? Would I have to quit Leicester. I was in turmoil. Not so much losing her - that was hurtful enough - but more the confusion and disturuption that was now unfolding.
I then remembered how she came to me. When I interviewed her, she told me how wicked the family she was working for were and how they would never let her leave, she said they never paid her. I told her to write them a letter explaining and then sneak out. I would meet her at the end of the road and pick her up. That was how she left them and she'd done it to me too. How ironic! I never expected it but then again, I guess I did.
We left Silves immediately. Kitan was staring into my face as if to say "What is wrong Mummy?" He really loved Dominique, how was he going to cope? I had to make a superhuman effort to be cheerful for his sake but Tunji knew I was very very upset.
After we put Kitan to bed, we went over our options - Get my Mum over? Tunji said "No". Put him in full time nursery? I said "No". Quit my job in Leicester? We both said "No" - Can you imagine saying I have to quit due to childcare issues? How bad is that for us Mums out there? What will that do to the next Mum they interview or even the general perceptions of Mums?
So what do we do?
Many of my friends use me as an un official nanny agent and a friend had recently asked me to help her out. I'd asked another friend Emma who then sent me the number of a lady she knew was available. I just passed the number on but for some reason never deleted it from my phone. I searched for the text and called the lady, Diane. She was still available for work. It seems my friend never followed up my lead. I asked her to come and meet us at home on Saturday for an interview.
I felt a bit better having at least made a little headway into resolving the situation. But still I worried. What if she did not come? What if we did not like her? What if she did not like us? Would my desperation show?
This bombshell messed up the last 2 days of my holiday. On our last full day, Thursday, we went back to the mall shopping again, then on to Alvor, another small fishing village which on closer inspection seemed to have been invaded by the Irish. There were at least 20 Irish bars in the village center alone, not to mention other dotted about. We'd planned a BBQ on the last night. It was really nice, I was finally becoming able to ignore the ensuing 'wahala' at home and concentrate on enjoying and relaxing this last night in Portugal.
------------------------------------
Back in London
We arrived safely at Gatwick airport thank God after a much better flight than we had going out. This time we had the good sense to sit the children separately, they slept and it turned out to be a pleasant journey home.
On driving home, I thought maybe this whole Dominique leaving thing was an early April-fool joke. Tunji thought that would be a very expensive joke if it was. Alas! It was not a joke. We arrived to a spotlessly clean house but no Dominique. Her room was stripped bare of all her things. I interrogated my cousin, getting angrier and angrier as I did so. In the end she was in tears and I was fuming. Tunji had to step in, asking us to calm down. What's done is done.
I called Diane, the potential replacement and she confirmed that she will be in my house tomorrow (Saturday) at 10am.
9:30am on Saturday, my phone rings, it's Diane. She's at my local train station waiting to be picked up as agreed. Tunji went to pick her.
When I came down to meet her, she was this tall, fair skinned woman. She was wearing tight jeans, high boots with her hair in shaggy blonde streaked style. "Oh my God" I thought to myself inside. A total opposite to demure butter-won't-melt-in-her-mouth Dominique. Still we pressed on with the interview. Kitan had not seemed to miss Dominique so far but did not take full heartedly to this new woman. She's 41 in May she told us. She has 7 children that she raised her self back home in Trinidad.
The interview seemed to go well, she was happy with her responsibilities and I'd stressed that we were having a trial period of 4 months - until my contract in Leicester was over, after which we can review the situation and choose whether or not to continue. My sister's nanny Viola is also from Trinidad, so I called her and she chatted with Diane, then told me later on the phone that she seemed okay.
Anyway, I was desperate and she seemed fine. My cousin would be around to oversee whenever she was not in school and it was only for 4 months at the worst.
We offered her the job and she accepted to start on Tuesday Feb. 20th.
By God's grace, getting a replacement was arranged within a week of Dominique leaving. Diane has not started yet and I don't know how it will work out but still, I thank God. We are fasting this month and know that God has removed anyone from our lives who is not supposed to be there. He is purging us all the time and we have to be willing to let go of things that have outstayed their usefulness for fear of them becoming harmful. He has minimised the disruption to nil and I can only continue to trust Him going forward.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Cute guy list
I'm sort of 'stuck' in Leicester with all the snowing. I'm due to be travelling to Portugal tomorrow on holiday and I am beginning to get worried as to how I can get back home to London in one piece. Thankfully I'm not training today and apart from one meeting scheduled for 10am there's no real reason to hang about here.
So while I'm still chilling here waiting for the snow to let up, I thought I'd compile a list of my top cutest guys... (not in any order) Obviously I've created fantasy personalities for all of them.
----------------------
Usherrrrrrr!: So brown, so cute with his boyish soft face. I like!
Daniel Craig (the new James Bond): What's to say here? Is this a man or is this a man?
Michael Scofield from Prison Break: This guy is too cute for words! Where do I start? His cause (saving his brother), his boyish looks, the eyes aaaaarrh!
Sawyer from Lost: I think it's the blond looks, bad boy character and hidden softy inside that does it for me.
LL Cool J: It's the 'really cute boy next door' look isnt it? And check out that body?!
Danny from Without a Trace: He's so sweet, so real with the most gorgeous smile.
Keanu Reeves: Fresh is an understatement. So clean, yummy.
--------------------------------------
I have to go to work now... what a fun project for the morning. Travel reports say the roads are rather okay and no problems on the motorway. Yippee!
So while I'm still chilling here waiting for the snow to let up, I thought I'd compile a list of my top cutest guys... (not in any order) Obviously I've created fantasy personalities for all of them.
----------------------
Usherrrrrrr!: So brown, so cute with his boyish soft face. I like!
Daniel Craig (the new James Bond): What's to say here? Is this a man or is this a man?
Michael Scofield from Prison Break: This guy is too cute for words! Where do I start? His cause (saving his brother), his boyish looks, the eyes aaaaarrh!
Sawyer from Lost: I think it's the blond looks, bad boy character and hidden softy inside that does it for me.
LL Cool J: It's the 'really cute boy next door' look isnt it? And check out that body?!
Danny from Without a Trace: He's so sweet, so real with the most gorgeous smile.
Keanu Reeves: Fresh is an understatement. So clean, yummy.--------------------------------------
I have to go to work now... what a fun project for the morning. Travel reports say the roads are rather okay and no problems on the motorway. Yippee!
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Email from my boss
Tunji fell ill on Saturday with a bad sore throat, headache and tiredness. On Sunday he was not feeling much better and so I decided to stay till Monday despite the fact I had training starting on Monday and did not want to be late into work.
I did not leave home until 7am that morning because Kitan woke up just as I was leaving and since I do not usually see him on Mondays before I leave, it was an opportunity to have a quick cuddle before I left.
As I was hitting the motorway, I sent text to SN my manager and AC the other manger that I was just leaving London and could they have someone on standby just to do registrations and icebreaker before I arrived.
I drove like mad and got into Leicester at 8:45am, training starts at 9am. I rushed about trying to get my materials ready: the delegates manuals, the evaluation forms and all the other stuff. I had not used that training room before and so was not sure how to set up the projector. In all my rushing about SN did not even ask how my journey was, he did not say "thank God you made it, what happened?" he did not even have the decency to ask "do you have all you need, how can I help?" I ran back to the trainers room where he was having a conversation with another trainer Emilio. I know Emilio had trained in that room before and I asked "Emilio have you trained in training room 3 before?" Emilio did not even look at me talkless of stopping his conversation with SN. I thought he did not hear me and repeated my question. Same response. Neither of them stopped talking to answer me. It was now 5 mins to 9 and I raced out of the room back to my training room, totally pissed. On my way, another colleague Riz noticed I was 'not smiling' found out what the matter was and sorted out the projector for me.
During a break, I went back to the trainer room to get something and Emilio was in there. He said "Omara, I was talking to SN about..." I put my hand up and said "Emilio, please, no need. I don't normally interrupt people. I had training starting in 5 mins and it was an emergency" He then said "Yes, but I was talking to SN about.." I interrupted him again saying "Nothing you were talking about could have been as important as me starting training in 5 mins" He said "Well I guess, what was it you wanted?" I looked at him eye to eye and said "Don't worry about it, I'm sorted now".
Anyway, a short while later, whilst still training... I get this email from my manager, SN
------------------Original Email --------------------
-----------------------------------------------------
Can you believe this???
Please guys help me out here. Especially those of you that know me personally. Is it me? I'm thinking it has to be. Would have been better for me not to come than to arrive 15mins to training? I know I am here to learn, but the sacrifice is already hard enough, Tunji is sick, my baby was crying for me and I need someone to cut me some slack.
I have chosen not to respond to his email or bring it up in anyway. He is a coward. If 'them born am well make e say am to my face'.
This morning my New Living Translation Bible says in Proverbs 12 verse 1 "To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction."
We live and learn.
This is my post for the week. We're off to Portugal for a well-needed break with my sister and her hubby and Kitan's 2 and 4 year old cousins (my sister's children).
My next post will be after we're back.
I did not leave home until 7am that morning because Kitan woke up just as I was leaving and since I do not usually see him on Mondays before I leave, it was an opportunity to have a quick cuddle before I left.
As I was hitting the motorway, I sent text to SN my manager and AC the other manger that I was just leaving London and could they have someone on standby just to do registrations and icebreaker before I arrived.
I drove like mad and got into Leicester at 8:45am, training starts at 9am. I rushed about trying to get my materials ready: the delegates manuals, the evaluation forms and all the other stuff. I had not used that training room before and so was not sure how to set up the projector. In all my rushing about SN did not even ask how my journey was, he did not say "thank God you made it, what happened?" he did not even have the decency to ask "do you have all you need, how can I help?" I ran back to the trainers room where he was having a conversation with another trainer Emilio. I know Emilio had trained in that room before and I asked "Emilio have you trained in training room 3 before?" Emilio did not even look at me talkless of stopping his conversation with SN. I thought he did not hear me and repeated my question. Same response. Neither of them stopped talking to answer me. It was now 5 mins to 9 and I raced out of the room back to my training room, totally pissed. On my way, another colleague Riz noticed I was 'not smiling' found out what the matter was and sorted out the projector for me.
During a break, I went back to the trainer room to get something and Emilio was in there. He said "Omara, I was talking to SN about..." I put my hand up and said "Emilio, please, no need. I don't normally interrupt people. I had training starting in 5 mins and it was an emergency" He then said "Yes, but I was talking to SN about.." I interrupted him again saying "Nothing you were talking about could have been as important as me starting training in 5 mins" He said "Well I guess, what was it you wanted?" I looked at him eye to eye and said "Don't worry about it, I'm sorted now".
Anyway, a short while later, whilst still training... I get this email from my manager, SN
------------------Original Email --------------------
-----Original Message-----
From: ######, Sanjay
Sent: 05 February 2007 12:04
To: Omara
Cc: ######, Angela
Subject: FW: This Morning
Omara,
This morning I felt your attitude and behaviour was unacceptable when you came and tried speaking to Emilio, whilst we were in the middle of a conversation. Emilio was checking the Environment, which would benefit everybody and your actions made him feel uncomfortable. It was totally unnecessary for you to storm out of the room.
I appreciate you were stressed and had a lot to sort out, but you left early on Friday and said you were travelling up on Sunday to ensure you were in and ready to go for 9:00. I will have to review this in the future especially after our chat on Thursday regarding your travel time/working from home.
We can discuss this further if you wish.
Sanjay
-----------------------------------------------------
Can you believe this???
Please guys help me out here. Especially those of you that know me personally. Is it me? I'm thinking it has to be. Would have been better for me not to come than to arrive 15mins to training? I know I am here to learn, but the sacrifice is already hard enough, Tunji is sick, my baby was crying for me and I need someone to cut me some slack.
I have chosen not to respond to his email or bring it up in anyway. He is a coward. If 'them born am well make e say am to my face'.
This morning my New Living Translation Bible says in Proverbs 12 verse 1 "To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction."
We live and learn.
This is my post for the week. We're off to Portugal for a well-needed break with my sister and her hubby and Kitan's 2 and 4 year old cousins (my sister's children).
My next post will be after we're back.
Part-time Mummy
Following on from last Thursday at work when my manager refused to let me leave, I ended up going in on Friday and working till 3pm.
I got home in great time - only one and a half hours. 90 miles in 90 minutes. Not bad.
My baby heard the key in the door and was already waiting expectantly for his Daddy to walk in and was so excited to see it was me. He ran from the hallway, into his play room then into the kitchen before running back to me.
I carried him and walked into the kitchen where Dominique was making a lasagna. I stood by the cooker talking to her with Kitan in my arms when he held my face in his little hands and kissed me on the lips, on my left cheek, then right cheek, then forehead and finally on my chin.
I don't kiss him in this way, no body does so I'm not sure where he learnt it from but I touched to tears. My sweet baby!
I wanted to be especially observant this weekend to see what effects my being a part-time Mummy has had on Kitan.
1. I'd actually noticed this before but this weekend it was more apparent that he calls everyone Mummy - i.e. my cousin and Dominique - even though he can call their names perfectly. When my sister visited during the week, he called her mummy too and when she asked why, Dominique explained to her that he calls everyone mummy but the mummy he calls me is slightly different. That is no consolation and I could'nt notice the difference. I kept answering "Yes baby" when he was infact referring to Dominique. I was pained but did not show it. I tried for 4 years to have this baby and to be called Mummy. He actually called 'Daddy' first and called both Tunji and I Daddy for a long time. When he finally got the hang of 'Mummy' it has now become a general name.
2. Kitan refuses to talk to me on the phone for most of the week I'm away. For some reason he chooses not to. Often times, I might excuse myself from my colleagues to go call my baby and I'll hear him in the background saying a loud emphatic "No" when Dominique says to him "Kitan come and talk to your mummy", she'll be chasing him round the house trying to give the phone to him. Sometimes he'll take the phone and just disconnect it. When I get back to my colleagues and they ask how he was, I usually lie. How can I say my child did not want to talk to me. When I'm home at the weekends, I'll get the phone and show it to him explaining that "mummy will call you on the phone, ok?" We'll role play for a little bit and usually when I get back to Leicester, he's happy to talk for a few days then he changes his mind and stops again.
3. He usually doesn't want me and Dominique in the room at the same time. If he's with Dominique and I come in or if we're together and she comes in, he wants her to leave, pushing her out and shutting the door. I think he believes that if she's there then I'll go since that is usually how it works during the week.
Those have been my 3 main observations and I'm not quite sure what they mean of if they are having any negative impact on him. I'm also concerned about how super-excited he is on Fridays when I get back compared to how he is usually during the week.
This weekend, I was shattered and did absolutely nothing on Saturday. I had great plans to go shopping during the day for our up-coming holiday to Portugal and then go to the cinema with friends. All I ended up doing was sleep, wake, eat, sleep - not even taking a bath. Sunday was better, went to church and then went to a non-Naija Naija party for a friends 2 year old son (See Me Myself & I's Post).
I'm training first thing Monday and planned to leave on Sunday but changed my mind. I'll leave on Monday.
I got home in great time - only one and a half hours. 90 miles in 90 minutes. Not bad.
My baby heard the key in the door and was already waiting expectantly for his Daddy to walk in and was so excited to see it was me. He ran from the hallway, into his play room then into the kitchen before running back to me.
I carried him and walked into the kitchen where Dominique was making a lasagna. I stood by the cooker talking to her with Kitan in my arms when he held my face in his little hands and kissed me on the lips, on my left cheek, then right cheek, then forehead and finally on my chin.
I don't kiss him in this way, no body does so I'm not sure where he learnt it from but I touched to tears. My sweet baby!
I wanted to be especially observant this weekend to see what effects my being a part-time Mummy has had on Kitan.
1. I'd actually noticed this before but this weekend it was more apparent that he calls everyone Mummy - i.e. my cousin and Dominique - even though he can call their names perfectly. When my sister visited during the week, he called her mummy too and when she asked why, Dominique explained to her that he calls everyone mummy but the mummy he calls me is slightly different. That is no consolation and I could'nt notice the difference. I kept answering "Yes baby" when he was infact referring to Dominique. I was pained but did not show it. I tried for 4 years to have this baby and to be called Mummy. He actually called 'Daddy' first and called both Tunji and I Daddy for a long time. When he finally got the hang of 'Mummy' it has now become a general name.
2. Kitan refuses to talk to me on the phone for most of the week I'm away. For some reason he chooses not to. Often times, I might excuse myself from my colleagues to go call my baby and I'll hear him in the background saying a loud emphatic "No" when Dominique says to him "Kitan come and talk to your mummy", she'll be chasing him round the house trying to give the phone to him. Sometimes he'll take the phone and just disconnect it. When I get back to my colleagues and they ask how he was, I usually lie. How can I say my child did not want to talk to me. When I'm home at the weekends, I'll get the phone and show it to him explaining that "mummy will call you on the phone, ok?" We'll role play for a little bit and usually when I get back to Leicester, he's happy to talk for a few days then he changes his mind and stops again.
3. He usually doesn't want me and Dominique in the room at the same time. If he's with Dominique and I come in or if we're together and she comes in, he wants her to leave, pushing her out and shutting the door. I think he believes that if she's there then I'll go since that is usually how it works during the week.
Those have been my 3 main observations and I'm not quite sure what they mean of if they are having any negative impact on him. I'm also concerned about how super-excited he is on Fridays when I get back compared to how he is usually during the week.
This weekend, I was shattered and did absolutely nothing on Saturday. I had great plans to go shopping during the day for our up-coming holiday to Portugal and then go to the cinema with friends. All I ended up doing was sleep, wake, eat, sleep - not even taking a bath. Sunday was better, went to church and then went to a non-Naija Naija party for a friends 2 year old son (See Me Myself & I's Post).
I'm training first thing Monday and planned to leave on Sunday but changed my mind. I'll leave on Monday.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Grrrrrrrr - end of week 13
I'm really upset.... and just like you should'nt go shopping when hungry, one should not post to blog when upset.
But I'd better update now or else that will be another thing bugging me...."need to update my blog".
Anyway, the week had gone okay so far. Got in on Monday, drove straight to work. I only had 3 hours training scheduled again this week so I knew 'no stress'. I'd left my house with only a banana, some stale brown bread and 1 egg left in the fridge. I'd made some stew and there was a bit of rice left but in all, no food. So as I was kinda free, I decided to do my online Tesco shopping. Dominique had given me a long list as I left home so food shopping took the better part of the afternoon. I kept going in and adding more stuff till I had a £120 bill the end. Not bad actually as I have a house of 4 adults and 1 baby to feed. I'm not there most of the week obviously and Dominique eats so little. It's just Tunji and my 'just-come-from-Naija' cousin who is a size 8 (that's size 4 to you guys in the States) but eats like a horse. Don't you just hate that?! I love her to bits really.
I've got 2 puppies at work now, both the 2 Asian girls (HR & AR), if you recall, HR is 21 and getting engaged in March, she got me the sari. AR is 24 and is flirting with our 23yr old manager SN. So my puppies and I just chilled, gisting and doing bits of work in between. AR was training that evening 6pm - 9pm and I was sitting in with her for support.
I went in normal time on Tuesday and spent another day doing a bit of work every now and again. So far the organisation of the training has been chaotic. I'm past caring now. The level of incompetence is beyond any I have seen anywhere else. The schedule is crazy. They've recruited me as an experienced SAP Trainer contractor but are only using me for 3 hours a week. The more inexperienced trainers are under so much pressure training 24 - 36 hours a week. I felt bad in the beginning but "hey, whazmyown?" The training manuals for the delegates are in a shambles, no one is clued up enough to put together a manual that makes sense not to talk about the slides we present. Errors upon errors. Is anyone taking responsibility? No.
Don't get me wrong, I do try to do my bit - but they've put everyone in boxes - if you are a trainer, you train - trying to do more is perceived with suspicion, like you want to steal their £22k ($40K) per annum job. Yeah right!
The other trainers are dropping like flies and pulling sickies like no man's busines. Everyday this week, at least 4 of the 15 trainers have called in sick. I can't really do the same because the downside of this cushy job is "no work, no pay".
My training went well on Wednesday night, AR was training again that night and I offered to drop her off home when we finished at 9pm. The poor girl who only 2 weeks ago was threatening to quit because she could not bear the pressure had been scheduled to train everyday this week totalling almost 30hrs. Anyway, my lack of knowledge of Leicester came back to bite me as found myself driving 40 mins in the opposite direction to my home to drop her off. I was starving and wanted to stop off for some Chinese but she insisted that she would get me some food from her house. Anyway we got home and I was really looking to meeting this bully of a father she had. Some weeks ago, I had overheard her telling her friend HR how he beats her and screams at her all the time. While she was packing the food, I sat with him and her witch stepmother (all stepmothers are witches) in the living room. During the small talk, it came out that he was a seaman before and had spent a lot of time in Lagos, Portharcourt and other coastal parts of Nigeria. He remembered so much and I spent a good 10 mins happily gisting away with him. I got my food (a very nice prawn curry with basmati rice and chapatis) and headed off home.
Now why am I upset? It's Thursday today and I'm not scheduled to train tomorrow so while talking to Tunji he says "why don't you come and work from home tomorrow?" I thought "great idea" and sent an email off to my manager SN. Can you believe he said NO! Infact remembering now that I'm back at my lodgings is riling me up again. I asked him why and he said with so many trainers off sick (and many more planning to be) he can't afford to be short staffed. There are only 5 classes running on Friday, even if 5 trainers called in sick, he still had 5 spare. I did not think that was a valid excuse. He then said if he allowed me work from home then everyone would want to. "What's my business with that?" I told him at the point of my recruitment, his boss, told me that my family situation would be taken into consideration. He said "Well, we've been doing so" and I said "the baby is still there, it's not a case of doing it for a bit, it's got to be done for the duration of my employment here." It's a matter of terms and conditions. "If anyone else was employed under other terms and conditions, that's their business, mine are what they are."
Anyway, I agreed to stay until tomorrow and then leave if I was not needed but I was very
angry. Only an apple crumble and vanilla icecream could pacify me, so that's what I'm having for dinner.
I know the job has been a doddle so far and they have let me off early on Friday as well as allowed me work from home - but still!
Grrrrrr!
Anyway, I'm writing this blog Thursday night to wrap up this week. Have a good weekend y'all!
p.s. I loooove getting comments!
But I'd better update now or else that will be another thing bugging me...."need to update my blog".
Anyway, the week had gone okay so far. Got in on Monday, drove straight to work. I only had 3 hours training scheduled again this week so I knew 'no stress'. I'd left my house with only a banana, some stale brown bread and 1 egg left in the fridge. I'd made some stew and there was a bit of rice left but in all, no food. So as I was kinda free, I decided to do my online Tesco shopping. Dominique had given me a long list as I left home so food shopping took the better part of the afternoon. I kept going in and adding more stuff till I had a £120 bill the end. Not bad actually as I have a house of 4 adults and 1 baby to feed. I'm not there most of the week obviously and Dominique eats so little. It's just Tunji and my 'just-come-from-Naija' cousin who is a size 8 (that's size 4 to you guys in the States) but eats like a horse. Don't you just hate that?! I love her to bits really.
I've got 2 puppies at work now, both the 2 Asian girls (HR & AR), if you recall, HR is 21 and getting engaged in March, she got me the sari. AR is 24 and is flirting with our 23yr old manager SN. So my puppies and I just chilled, gisting and doing bits of work in between. AR was training that evening 6pm - 9pm and I was sitting in with her for support.
I went in normal time on Tuesday and spent another day doing a bit of work every now and again. So far the organisation of the training has been chaotic. I'm past caring now. The level of incompetence is beyond any I have seen anywhere else. The schedule is crazy. They've recruited me as an experienced SAP Trainer contractor but are only using me for 3 hours a week. The more inexperienced trainers are under so much pressure training 24 - 36 hours a week. I felt bad in the beginning but "hey, whazmyown?" The training manuals for the delegates are in a shambles, no one is clued up enough to put together a manual that makes sense not to talk about the slides we present. Errors upon errors. Is anyone taking responsibility? No.
Don't get me wrong, I do try to do my bit - but they've put everyone in boxes - if you are a trainer, you train - trying to do more is perceived with suspicion, like you want to steal their £22k ($40K) per annum job. Yeah right!
The other trainers are dropping like flies and pulling sickies like no man's busines. Everyday this week, at least 4 of the 15 trainers have called in sick. I can't really do the same because the downside of this cushy job is "no work, no pay".
My training went well on Wednesday night, AR was training again that night and I offered to drop her off home when we finished at 9pm. The poor girl who only 2 weeks ago was threatening to quit because she could not bear the pressure had been scheduled to train everyday this week totalling almost 30hrs. Anyway, my lack of knowledge of Leicester came back to bite me as found myself driving 40 mins in the opposite direction to my home to drop her off. I was starving and wanted to stop off for some Chinese but she insisted that she would get me some food from her house. Anyway we got home and I was really looking to meeting this bully of a father she had. Some weeks ago, I had overheard her telling her friend HR how he beats her and screams at her all the time. While she was packing the food, I sat with him and her witch stepmother (all stepmothers are witches) in the living room. During the small talk, it came out that he was a seaman before and had spent a lot of time in Lagos, Portharcourt and other coastal parts of Nigeria. He remembered so much and I spent a good 10 mins happily gisting away with him. I got my food (a very nice prawn curry with basmati rice and chapatis) and headed off home.
Now why am I upset? It's Thursday today and I'm not scheduled to train tomorrow so while talking to Tunji he says "why don't you come and work from home tomorrow?" I thought "great idea" and sent an email off to my manager SN. Can you believe he said NO! Infact remembering now that I'm back at my lodgings is riling me up again. I asked him why and he said with so many trainers off sick (and many more planning to be) he can't afford to be short staffed. There are only 5 classes running on Friday, even if 5 trainers called in sick, he still had 5 spare. I did not think that was a valid excuse. He then said if he allowed me work from home then everyone would want to. "What's my business with that?" I told him at the point of my recruitment, his boss, told me that my family situation would be taken into consideration. He said "Well, we've been doing so" and I said "the baby is still there, it's not a case of doing it for a bit, it's got to be done for the duration of my employment here." It's a matter of terms and conditions. "If anyone else was employed under other terms and conditions, that's their business, mine are what they are."
Anyway, I agreed to stay until tomorrow and then leave if I was not needed but I was very
angry. Only an apple crumble and vanilla icecream could pacify me, so that's what I'm having for dinner.I know the job has been a doddle so far and they have let me off early on Friday as well as allowed me work from home - but still!
Grrrrrr!
Anyway, I'm writing this blog Thursday night to wrap up this week. Have a good weekend y'all!
p.s. I loooove getting comments!
Monday, January 29, 2007
A Friend in Deed
I gave the ultimate sacrifice to a friend this weekend - my entire Saturday. Bola moved to Nigeria 2 years ago with her sons (one of whom is my godson) to join her husband who had relocated there earlier. They rented their house in Stevange while they were in Nigeria. Now Bola is pregnant with their 3rd child and called me from Nigeria to let me know she was arriving on Friday to my house and could I please give her my Saturday to take her to Stevenage, shop for the now vacant house and generally help her settle in. She was going to be living in the UK until shortly after she had her baby in May.
She's a good friend and I could not refuse. I got into London from Leicester on Friday in just over an hour and a half. My baby was on excitement overload... showing me everything he had done during the week at dizzying pace. He can tumble, he can jump from the second step, he can get in the bath himself (demonstrated while fully clothed), he can jump from his tricycle, he can cycle and pedal himself... and lots lots more. Bola arrived in a taxi from Heathrow 2 hours after me. We were gisting in the kitchen when Tunji came back. I don't know what it was but I had to do a double take. He was looking especially cute in cream chinos, a cream shirt and a black cashmere vest-thing. I was on my period so nothing was going to be happening that night but 'checking out' my husband like I would that cute guy on Prison Break was not something I'd done recently.
Bola and I set out about 11am on Saturday, she was worried the house would be a mess but it was actually very clean and well cared for. We then went to Tesco and 3 full-to-the brim trolleys later we were back in the house. We'd bought everything from cutlery, to beddings, to bleach... everything! By the time we finished unpacking, it was 4pm and we were starving. We still had to go out and get a TV after which we went for a meal at a Chinese buffet restaurant called Aroma. Quite nice actually.
When we went back to her house, another friend of her's joined us with her nanny and 2 year old son. We quickly put the nanny to task making stew, fried chicken and jollof rice, while we lounged in the living room watching Naija movies. It was not until midnight before I was finally able to leave. I had not seen Kitan or Tunji the whole day and felt guilty. Even though I was helping a friend, it was also helping me re-connect with another part of me. Ofcourse Tunji was cross with me for being out the whole day and returning so late, but he was also proud of me for being a good friend and giving her so much of the precious little time I had at home.
Sunday was good, the reknowned Pastor Kalejaiye was a guest minister at church and as always his sermons were rib-cracking humourous as well sharp and to the point. He preached on the 12 representatives of the tribe of Judah sent to scout out Canaan for invasion. The 10 who 'saw' giants and 'said' it was too hard a challenge to undertake, did not enter into Canaan. Pastor Kalejaiye said "When you look for the worst and confess negatively, failure is inevitable". We have to focus on the positive and confess victory to succeed.
After church, Tunji offered to take us all out to lunch, but I was tired and just wanted to chill, so we went home and I made fried rice and beef stew for lunch. I also made authentic Naija meat pie for Tunji to snack on during the week. I told Dominique to pack 2 everyday for him to take to the office. I packed 4 for Leicester.
He was still looking quite scrummy to me and I found myself glancing at him from the corner of my eye when he wasn't looking - trying to figure out what had changed. The problems I had with his family after I had Kitan definitely affected the way I felt about him. I could have done with more of his support and he seemed to sit on the fence over several issues that came up. We have prayed alot about our marriage, especially him, and the way I was feeling about him this weekend was God putting love back in my heart towards my husband. It felt good!
p.s. I almost forgot to mention I had a car collision with someone on Saturday. I was on a round-about, reversing whilst on the phone - not very clever. It was a lady with a baby in the car and she was quite rightly very agitated. There was no car damage, I just clipped her driver mirror but we exchanged insurance details all the same. I also took a picture so I don't get slammed with her car refurbishment bill when I didn't cause the damage.
She's a good friend and I could not refuse. I got into London from Leicester on Friday in just over an hour and a half. My baby was on excitement overload... showing me everything he had done during the week at dizzying pace. He can tumble, he can jump from the second step, he can get in the bath himself (demonstrated while fully clothed), he can jump from his tricycle, he can cycle and pedal himself... and lots lots more. Bola arrived in a taxi from Heathrow 2 hours after me. We were gisting in the kitchen when Tunji came back. I don't know what it was but I had to do a double take. He was looking especially cute in cream chinos, a cream shirt and a black cashmere vest-thing. I was on my period so nothing was going to be happening that night but 'checking out' my husband like I would that cute guy on Prison Break was not something I'd done recently.
Bola and I set out about 11am on Saturday, she was worried the house would be a mess but it was actually very clean and well cared for. We then went to Tesco and 3 full-to-the brim trolleys later we were back in the house. We'd bought everything from cutlery, to beddings, to bleach... everything! By the time we finished unpacking, it was 4pm and we were starving. We still had to go out and get a TV after which we went for a meal at a Chinese buffet restaurant called Aroma. Quite nice actually.
When we went back to her house, another friend of her's joined us with her nanny and 2 year old son. We quickly put the nanny to task making stew, fried chicken and jollof rice, while we lounged in the living room watching Naija movies. It was not until midnight before I was finally able to leave. I had not seen Kitan or Tunji the whole day and felt guilty. Even though I was helping a friend, it was also helping me re-connect with another part of me. Ofcourse Tunji was cross with me for being out the whole day and returning so late, but he was also proud of me for being a good friend and giving her so much of the precious little time I had at home.
Sunday was good, the reknowned Pastor Kalejaiye was a guest minister at church and as always his sermons were rib-cracking humourous as well sharp and to the point. He preached on the 12 representatives of the tribe of Judah sent to scout out Canaan for invasion. The 10 who 'saw' giants and 'said' it was too hard a challenge to undertake, did not enter into Canaan. Pastor Kalejaiye said "When you look for the worst and confess negatively, failure is inevitable". We have to focus on the positive and confess victory to succeed.
After church, Tunji offered to take us all out to lunch, but I was tired and just wanted to chill, so we went home and I made fried rice and beef stew for lunch. I also made authentic Naija meat pie for Tunji to snack on during the week. I told Dominique to pack 2 everyday for him to take to the office. I packed 4 for Leicester.
He was still looking quite scrummy to me and I found myself glancing at him from the corner of my eye when he wasn't looking - trying to figure out what had changed. The problems I had with his family after I had Kitan definitely affected the way I felt about him. I could have done with more of his support and he seemed to sit on the fence over several issues that came up. We have prayed alot about our marriage, especially him, and the way I was feeling about him this weekend was God putting love back in my heart towards my husband. It felt good!
p.s. I almost forgot to mention I had a car collision with someone on Saturday. I was on a round-about, reversing whilst on the phone - not very clever. It was a lady with a baby in the car and she was quite rightly very agitated. There was no car damage, I just clipped her driver mirror but we exchanged insurance details all the same. I also took a picture so I don't get slammed with her car refurbishment bill when I didn't cause the damage.
Friday, January 26, 2007
12 weeks gone - almost half way
It occured to me this week that I was more or less half way through my Leicester Life Adventure. Instead of a recap or even a plan for the remainder of my time here, I thought I'd just record a typical week for me here. What will happen to this blog at the end of my time in Leicester? I expect it will close or maybe transform into a different life story?
Monday
Left London later than usual at 7:15am, I'm now based at the HQ which is on the outskirts of Leicester and not such a trek into the city centre as the other office. I pulled into the office at 8:50am - not bad, the drive was less than 2 hours. I was supposed to be training today but last week the 'business' decided they did not want so many of their staff out at training at the same time so the courses have been cut back for 4 weeks by about 80% and I only have a 3 hour evening course to train on Wednesday. So instead, I spent loads of time on the internet, generally surfing and updating my blog. At lunchtime, I went out to the shops with my colleague, 'HR', the 21yr old (she sticks to me wherever I go now). She's getting married and wanted to pick up some whisky from Asda. She's only known the guy for 2 weeks before they decided to get married a month ago. Maybe that's the Indian style. She really wants me to attend and has given me a beautiful hot pink and gold embroidered sari to wear at the engagement in March. Me in a Sari! Should be interesting. I'm not showing my fat tummy that's for sure. Left work at 5:40pm after an end of day meeting for 'meeting sake' considering most of us trainers did 'jack all' all day. The HQ is only 15mins from home so it was nice to get back home before 6pm. Had a jacket potato and beef mince sauce for dinner, chatted with my house mate, watched a bit of telly, updated my blog and browsed online for a bit then retired at 7:45pm.
Monday's are usually hard for me because I wake very early (5am), drive 90 miles, do a day's work before getting home so I tend to be ready for bed by 8pm. However I got on the phone with my friend Kemi and ended up chatting for over 2 hours. Then Tunji called. I prayed and read my bible a bit. I finally got to sleep about 11pm.
Tuesday
Due to the cut back in courses, I had nothing specific to do today. I'm training for 3 hours tomorrow eveing, so at some point I'd have to get my act together and go over my materials. Strangely, I've been on the verge of tears for most of yesterday and now today. Almost like I feel I need a good cry to get stuff out of my system... only I'm not sure what the 'stuff' is. After lunch I settled down to do some work when I noticed bride-to-be HR and another colleague CG discussing the 'cry baby' from a few weeks ago, AR. They were saying how terrible AR's training was, what negative comments were coming from her delegates and how useless she was in a nutshell. AR and HR are supposed to be best buddies and had no problem ganging up together against me when I first started. I was disgusted and asked both CG and HR how they expected their 'feedback' to help her if they were going to be discussing her behind her back. In short, what was the essence of their conversation and what exactly what it supposed to achieve? They have both been in training with AR and are best placed to offer legitimate feedback so she can improve on her flaws... but what do they do? Snip and Snipe...backbiting with abandon. I imagine that is the last time they will backbite anyone in my presence.
Got home nice and early, had a Spaghetti with King Prawn and Spinach frozen meal for dinner. It was nice but I could have done with another pack to be honest. Watched the repeat of American Idol with my housemate/landlady Louise which was hilarious. We are slowly building up a friendship which is nice. Slow is good. I'm not in any rush. She's invited me to come along with her, her Mum and sister to watch the latest Judi Dench/Cate Blanchett film. How nice... I'm planning to be up late tonight because I don't need to be in work till 1pm for my evening training class. I'm obsessed with downloading music for my phone media player (Nokia N73) as well as discovering the fascinating world of other bloggers and spent a good few hours doing that. A few long phone conversations with Tunji, my sister and friends and I finally dragged myself off to bed by 2:15am.
Wednesday
I woke just after 9am and was about to jump out of bed in a panic when I remembered I was not due into work until 1pm today... ahhhh! It reminded me of my good old days as a stay-at-home Mum. Kitan was my alarm clock, he'll come into my room about 8am, we'll have a cuddle in my bed for 30 mins or so, maybe read a book, play a game then make our way downstairs about 9:30am for breakfast. Oh well. I popped my eyemask back over my eyes and settled in for another snooze. I woke up again about 10:30am to find my period had started. Drats! That's why I was feeling so weepy and touchy about the gossipping yesterday. I had to get up, take a shower and after faffing around a bit, having breakfast, I got into work by 1pm. Everywhere was white with snow.
I was training today so I was all suited up and focused on getting all I needed ready. The last thing I needed was a 2pm meeting about how we needed to improve our communication as a team. The one hour meeting was still going on at 4pm! I had training at 6pm and still had lots to do. I make an excuse to go to the loo and never returned to the meeting. 15 mins to 6pm, I realised I had not yet been given the manuals the delegates were supposed to use. I went to one of the managers, Karen, and asked her for the manuals. She asked me when I needed them for to which I replied "Now". She said "Oh, I told Fran (the senior manager guy) that the manuals for course 5 and 6 would not be delivered". I asked why and she said "Because we thought the course was next week". I was furious! It's all well and good for him to have a two and a half hour meeting about communication but how hard was it for Fran to check the schedule (that he designed) see who was training and COMMUNICATE to me that there was a problem with the delegate materials? They made the schedule. Why would they then think the course was next week? I have never seen a Training Programme organised in such a shoddy and incompetence manner. There are more managers than are neccessary, they don't do any actual real work and no one takes responsibility for everything. I made my views very clear to her and to my manager - "This is just not ON". "If I was half way to London instead of being here for training and gave you the excuse of I thought the course was next week, how would they like that?" Anyway, I calmed down and went into my class to train.
HR, my little puppy, had offered to be in the class with me incase I needed anything. Before we started, I said to her "Let's pray" - she was surprised, but I said "You're marrying a Christian aren't you, you need to learn how to pray", so we prayed. The training started and went really well, the evaluation forms received gave excellent feedback and I was very pleased. As we were packing up, I said to HR "You see, prayer works".
I got home about 9:30pm, watched the last 30mins on 'Five Days' with my sister (she was on the phone), ate dinner - sausages with mash, steamed veg and gravy - chatted with friends, Tunji and my other sister on the phone, went online for a bit and went to bed about midnight.
Thursday
I was supporting HR in her training session tonight so I was not due in till 1pm again today. I woke up with a splitting headache. I thought I was going to die. I could not move in bed and lay there until I felt able to get up. It was almost 10:30am. I knew I needed to pray. My prayer life was deteriorating from bad to worse and I was allowing anything and everything distract me from spending time in prayer. I struggled out of bed and tried to pray but could not. I could not form the words, my head was banging so much. I got my phone and went online to the MFM website. They have a list of prayer points and I selected the prayer "For Spiritual Growth". It was like being drenched in cool refreshing water. I still was not feeling 100% but felt well enough to get ready for work and drive in. When I got in, everyone was asking if I had calmed down from the day before. Obviously someone had exagerrated the whole incident and it looked like I had had a raging fit. "Ofcourse I'm calm" I replied sweetly. I was still feeling very ill and spent the day quietly. My manager came to me and asked how last night's training had gone. I said "Very well!" He said the feedback he had got was that it had not gone well and the delegates felt they had not interacted enough. I said "Really?" Luckily, I was holding the evaluation forms from the night before and gave them to him. One of the delegates had specifically written "It was really good with lots of time given for interaction". My so-called helper, HR, had gone and given him a bad report of the night before. I went to her and asked her, when she had a minute, to give me the same feedback she had given the manager. She went all flustered saying "He just asked me how it went and if we went on the system and I said No we did not go on the system and when he asked me why I said because there was not enough time" - I said to her "the reason we did not go on the system was because they did not have the right log ons to access the system not because there was not enough time". I was too tired and too ill to care really. I leave them all in God's hands. I struggled to stay the rest of the evening, I sat in with HR during her training as agreed but had very little input. Thank God tomorrow is Friday.
Friday
I woke up feeling even worse than yesterday. I had a pounding headache, my mouth was bitter and my ankles, knees and legs in general were aching. I called Tunji for some TLC but had to rudely cut him midway through his 'sweet nothings' when I saw a call from my Mum in Nigeria trying to get through. I know he will stress me about that later. Anyway, considering I'm being paid daily for the days I do work, I'd have to be pretty close to death to be physically in Leicester and call in sick. If I was already in London, yes, no problem calling in sick but not when I'm in Leicester. Plus, I still had to find the strength to drive back home that afternoon. I took my shower following my usual Friday shower routine - Luxurious Shea Butter body scrub vigourously all over my body then Clinique face scrub on my face and neck. This routine leaves me with silky soft smooth skin ready for my weekend at home. I was on my period but I followed my routine anyway. I had breakfast then headed for work getting in at 8:45am. Due to the hiccups with the training schedule and despite being paid for the whole week, I've only had to do 3 hours actual work. At this rate, David Beckham and I will be on the same hourly rate! Oh well! I'm not complaining. I wasn't feeling very well anyway but slowly getting better, so I took things easy, went over my training for next week - only 3 hours scheduled again! Surfed the internet, had a long lunch, larked around with my 'little girls' - HR and AR. Then at 3pm I asked my manager if I could leave, he said yes and off I went. Like last week, I stayed on the motorway throughout instead of getting off at Junction 12 and going through the back roads. Again it paid off and I drove into my drive an hour and a half later at 4:30pm! As I got out of the car, I could hear my baby crying from inside the house. Home Sweet Home.
Monday
Left London later than usual at 7:15am, I'm now based at the HQ which is on the outskirts of Leicester and not such a trek into the city centre as the other office. I pulled into the office at 8:50am - not bad, the drive was less than 2 hours. I was supposed to be training today but last week the 'business' decided they did not want so many of their staff out at training at the same time so the courses have been cut back for 4 weeks by about 80% and I only have a 3 hour evening course to train on Wednesday. So instead, I spent loads of time on the internet, generally surfing and updating my blog. At lunchtime, I went out to the shops with my colleague, 'HR', the 21yr old (she sticks to me wherever I go now). She's getting married and wanted to pick up some whisky from Asda. She's only known the guy for 2 weeks before they decided to get married a month ago. Maybe that's the Indian style. She really wants me to attend and has given me a beautiful hot pink and gold embroidered sari to wear at the engagement in March. Me in a Sari! Should be interesting. I'm not showing my fat tummy that's for sure. Left work at 5:40pm after an end of day meeting for 'meeting sake' considering most of us trainers did 'jack all' all day. The HQ is only 15mins from home so it was nice to get back home before 6pm. Had a jacket potato and beef mince sauce for dinner, chatted with my house mate, watched a bit of telly, updated my blog and browsed online for a bit then retired at 7:45pm.
Monday's are usually hard for me because I wake very early (5am), drive 90 miles, do a day's work before getting home so I tend to be ready for bed by 8pm. However I got on the phone with my friend Kemi and ended up chatting for over 2 hours. Then Tunji called. I prayed and read my bible a bit. I finally got to sleep about 11pm.
Tuesday
Due to the cut back in courses, I had nothing specific to do today. I'm training for 3 hours tomorrow eveing, so at some point I'd have to get my act together and go over my materials. Strangely, I've been on the verge of tears for most of yesterday and now today. Almost like I feel I need a good cry to get stuff out of my system... only I'm not sure what the 'stuff' is. After lunch I settled down to do some work when I noticed bride-to-be HR and another colleague CG discussing the 'cry baby' from a few weeks ago, AR. They were saying how terrible AR's training was, what negative comments were coming from her delegates and how useless she was in a nutshell. AR and HR are supposed to be best buddies and had no problem ganging up together against me when I first started. I was disgusted and asked both CG and HR how they expected their 'feedback' to help her if they were going to be discussing her behind her back. In short, what was the essence of their conversation and what exactly what it supposed to achieve? They have both been in training with AR and are best placed to offer legitimate feedback so she can improve on her flaws... but what do they do? Snip and Snipe...backbiting with abandon. I imagine that is the last time they will backbite anyone in my presence.
Got home nice and early, had a Spaghetti with King Prawn and Spinach frozen meal for dinner. It was nice but I could have done with another pack to be honest. Watched the repeat of American Idol with my housemate/landlady Louise which was hilarious. We are slowly building up a friendship which is nice. Slow is good. I'm not in any rush. She's invited me to come along with her, her Mum and sister to watch the latest Judi Dench/Cate Blanchett film. How nice... I'm planning to be up late tonight because I don't need to be in work till 1pm for my evening training class. I'm obsessed with downloading music for my phone media player (Nokia N73) as well as discovering the fascinating world of other bloggers and spent a good few hours doing that. A few long phone conversations with Tunji, my sister and friends and I finally dragged myself off to bed by 2:15am.
Wednesday
I woke just after 9am and was about to jump out of bed in a panic when I remembered I was not due into work until 1pm today... ahhhh! It reminded me of my good old days as a stay-at-home Mum. Kitan was my alarm clock, he'll come into my room about 8am, we'll have a cuddle in my bed for 30 mins or so, maybe read a book, play a game then make our way downstairs about 9:30am for breakfast. Oh well. I popped my eyemask back over my eyes and settled in for another snooze. I woke up again about 10:30am to find my period had started. Drats! That's why I was feeling so weepy and touchy about the gossipping yesterday. I had to get up, take a shower and after faffing around a bit, having breakfast, I got into work by 1pm. Everywhere was white with snow.
I was training today so I was all suited up and focused on getting all I needed ready. The last thing I needed was a 2pm meeting about how we needed to improve our communication as a team. The one hour meeting was still going on at 4pm! I had training at 6pm and still had lots to do. I make an excuse to go to the loo and never returned to the meeting. 15 mins to 6pm, I realised I had not yet been given the manuals the delegates were supposed to use. I went to one of the managers, Karen, and asked her for the manuals. She asked me when I needed them for to which I replied "Now". She said "Oh, I told Fran (the senior manager guy) that the manuals for course 5 and 6 would not be delivered". I asked why and she said "Because we thought the course was next week". I was furious! It's all well and good for him to have a two and a half hour meeting about communication but how hard was it for Fran to check the schedule (that he designed) see who was training and COMMUNICATE to me that there was a problem with the delegate materials? They made the schedule. Why would they then think the course was next week? I have never seen a Training Programme organised in such a shoddy and incompetence manner. There are more managers than are neccessary, they don't do any actual real work and no one takes responsibility for everything. I made my views very clear to her and to my manager - "This is just not ON". "If I was half way to London instead of being here for training and gave you the excuse of I thought the course was next week, how would they like that?" Anyway, I calmed down and went into my class to train.
HR, my little puppy, had offered to be in the class with me incase I needed anything. Before we started, I said to her "Let's pray" - she was surprised, but I said "You're marrying a Christian aren't you, you need to learn how to pray", so we prayed. The training started and went really well, the evaluation forms received gave excellent feedback and I was very pleased. As we were packing up, I said to HR "You see, prayer works".
I got home about 9:30pm, watched the last 30mins on 'Five Days' with my sister (she was on the phone), ate dinner - sausages with mash, steamed veg and gravy - chatted with friends, Tunji and my other sister on the phone, went online for a bit and went to bed about midnight.
Thursday
I was supporting HR in her training session tonight so I was not due in till 1pm again today. I woke up with a splitting headache. I thought I was going to die. I could not move in bed and lay there until I felt able to get up. It was almost 10:30am. I knew I needed to pray. My prayer life was deteriorating from bad to worse and I was allowing anything and everything distract me from spending time in prayer. I struggled out of bed and tried to pray but could not. I could not form the words, my head was banging so much. I got my phone and went online to the MFM website. They have a list of prayer points and I selected the prayer "For Spiritual Growth". It was like being drenched in cool refreshing water. I still was not feeling 100% but felt well enough to get ready for work and drive in. When I got in, everyone was asking if I had calmed down from the day before. Obviously someone had exagerrated the whole incident and it looked like I had had a raging fit. "Ofcourse I'm calm" I replied sweetly. I was still feeling very ill and spent the day quietly. My manager came to me and asked how last night's training had gone. I said "Very well!" He said the feedback he had got was that it had not gone well and the delegates felt they had not interacted enough. I said "Really?" Luckily, I was holding the evaluation forms from the night before and gave them to him. One of the delegates had specifically written "It was really good with lots of time given for interaction". My so-called helper, HR, had gone and given him a bad report of the night before. I went to her and asked her, when she had a minute, to give me the same feedback she had given the manager. She went all flustered saying "He just asked me how it went and if we went on the system and I said No we did not go on the system and when he asked me why I said because there was not enough time" - I said to her "the reason we did not go on the system was because they did not have the right log ons to access the system not because there was not enough time". I was too tired and too ill to care really. I leave them all in God's hands. I struggled to stay the rest of the evening, I sat in with HR during her training as agreed but had very little input. Thank God tomorrow is Friday.
Friday
I woke up feeling even worse than yesterday. I had a pounding headache, my mouth was bitter and my ankles, knees and legs in general were aching. I called Tunji for some TLC but had to rudely cut him midway through his 'sweet nothings' when I saw a call from my Mum in Nigeria trying to get through. I know he will stress me about that later. Anyway, considering I'm being paid daily for the days I do work, I'd have to be pretty close to death to be physically in Leicester and call in sick. If I was already in London, yes, no problem calling in sick but not when I'm in Leicester. Plus, I still had to find the strength to drive back home that afternoon. I took my shower following my usual Friday shower routine - Luxurious Shea Butter body scrub vigourously all over my body then Clinique face scrub on my face and neck. This routine leaves me with silky soft smooth skin ready for my weekend at home. I was on my period but I followed my routine anyway. I had breakfast then headed for work getting in at 8:45am. Due to the hiccups with the training schedule and despite being paid for the whole week, I've only had to do 3 hours actual work. At this rate, David Beckham and I will be on the same hourly rate! Oh well! I'm not complaining. I wasn't feeling very well anyway but slowly getting better, so I took things easy, went over my training for next week - only 3 hours scheduled again! Surfed the internet, had a long lunch, larked around with my 'little girls' - HR and AR. Then at 3pm I asked my manager if I could leave, he said yes and off I went. Like last week, I stayed on the motorway throughout instead of getting off at Junction 12 and going through the back roads. Again it paid off and I drove into my drive an hour and a half later at 4:30pm! As I got out of the car, I could hear my baby crying from inside the house. Home Sweet Home.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
i've disappeared - a poem
I sometimes write poetry and this one was written a few months ago after a long phone conversation with a friend. I had just gotten this job in Leicester and she was telling me how she'd lost touch with who she was and what she wanted out of life. I could relate to that because I'd felt like that for a long time and so I wrote the poem. I told her about this poem I'd written for her but did not show it to her because I thought it might depress her. I think it's okay for her to read it now, hopefully it will be motivating.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i've disappeared
no more the me i know
my heart and soul hidden
a false mask on show
it happened so slowly
a tiny bit at a time
a different person i became
the face in the mirror not mine
where did i go
who stole me
how did i lose my essence
and be this person i see
i grieve my loss
i want me back
i want another chance
to return to the start
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maybe I might post some more of my poems from time to time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i've disappeared
no more the me i know
my heart and soul hidden
a false mask on show
it happened so slowly
a tiny bit at a time
a different person i became
the face in the mirror not mine
where did i go
who stole me
how did i lose my essence
and be this person i see
i grieve my loss
i want me back
i want another chance
to return to the start
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maybe I might post some more of my poems from time to time.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Manic - weekend 11
The weekends are really manic but this one was a record breaker…
I was mid-way through training on Thursday when I got a call from my cousin who lives with me. She was crying violently and could barely talk. I thought she’d been attacked… She eventually got the words out that Dominique had collapsed!
Dominique had been complaining of cough, cold… the usual winter aches and pains the week before but this was obviously a turn for the worse. I asked her to put Dominique on the phone if she was still conscious. After a short wait, Dominique got on the phone and I asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital and she said yes.
I got off the phone and called my friend who lives in the area to please go to my house. I then called Tunji to ask him to call a doctor friend of ours and make his way home.
Why my cousin did not call Tunji who was 20mins down the road calling me instead 90 miles away in Leicester is one of the mysteries of life. I think all women have that… no matter where you are or what you ‘think’ you’re doing, home is your number one job.
I went back in to finish my training class then told the managers I needed to get home ASAP and would work from home on Friday. I did not realise how much of a challenge it would be to get home – with the bad weather, there was a general transport shut down across the country.
I tried the train company and the person on the phone in a thick Indian accent said “We have been told not to accept any more passengers” when I asked him why, he said “Well, you may catch the train but you will not get to your destination” – Ah! Can you imagine saying that to a Najia Spiri babe like me – “I will get to my destination in Jesus Name Oh!” On the BBC travel website, all the major motorways were blocked off – M1, M6, M25 – all of them. And the death toll from the storms were rising. First it was 4, then 6.
I finally decided to brave it on the roads by 6:30pm and prayed to God for His protection. As I drove down, I pondered on the fragility of life… some people woke up that morning like any other and due to a bit of a storm, that was it – life over. On the radio, the news reader was talking about the latest fatality, a 2 and a half year old who was crushed to death by a wall falling on him in the storm. I switched over to my CD player, I did not want to hear any more bad news.
Thank God for His mercies, I arrived home – in one piece – 2 and a half hours later. Dominique was feeling much better and had eaten. My friend had cooked rice and fish stew. Thank God for good friends.
Friday was uneventful – apart from the house looking a tip because Dominique was off sick – it went okay. I popped out with Kitan to the pharmacist at Boots because he was getting discharges from his left ear. By the time we got home, the mess had gotten to Dominique and she had dragged herself from her sick bed to have a quick tidy… bless her! I was going to do it myself – eventually.
Saturday was a special day – my baby was 2 and a half years old! I spent the morning at the hair dressers and regaled them with excerpts from my blog – my friend Nneka was there too. They were particularly amused at the ‘broken down door’ incident. Later that day Kitan and I had a couple of kiddie birthday parties to attend but when we got home in the evening, we all had our own little family celebration. I am totally besotted with my little boy obviously but I once read somewhere that “Apart from good manners, the next best thing we can give our children are good memories” –
Kitan was thrilled to be blowing out his candle on his cake. We sang ‘Happy Birthday’ for him and took a few pictures. It soon went pear shaped because he then wanted to use the camera himself and cried when his daddy won’t let him, then he wanted to cut the cake himself with the huge kitchen knife I had used for the pictures. Oh well… it’s about the memories right.
Because he’d slept late, I told Tunji to go ahead on Sunday to church and Kitan and I will follow later when he wakes up. When he did get up, the ear discharge looked worse and he would not let me touch the ear or anything part of the left side of his face. I called my friend Bernie, whose son had had grommets put in too and she suggested taking him to A&E to be safe (thanks Bernie… said through gritted teeth). – thus began my 5 hour visit to the A&E department at Royal Free Hospital Hampstead. Tunji came to meet us there after church and we finally left with a prescription for Paracetamol and some ear drops. I even had to make a fuss before an ENT doctor would even come down and see him. The NHS is rubbish!
Anyway, again God stepped in for us… Monday morning came and for the first time I was looking forward to getting back to the comparative peace and quiet of Leicester. What a weekend! Tunji called me on my drive in to say Kitan had woken up and there was no ear discharge whatsoever. Super!
I was mid-way through training on Thursday when I got a call from my cousin who lives with me. She was crying violently and could barely talk. I thought she’d been attacked… She eventually got the words out that Dominique had collapsed!
Dominique had been complaining of cough, cold… the usual winter aches and pains the week before but this was obviously a turn for the worse. I asked her to put Dominique on the phone if she was still conscious. After a short wait, Dominique got on the phone and I asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital and she said yes.
I got off the phone and called my friend who lives in the area to please go to my house. I then called Tunji to ask him to call a doctor friend of ours and make his way home.
Why my cousin did not call Tunji who was 20mins down the road calling me instead 90 miles away in Leicester is one of the mysteries of life. I think all women have that… no matter where you are or what you ‘think’ you’re doing, home is your number one job.
I went back in to finish my training class then told the managers I needed to get home ASAP and would work from home on Friday. I did not realise how much of a challenge it would be to get home – with the bad weather, there was a general transport shut down across the country.
I tried the train company and the person on the phone in a thick Indian accent said “We have been told not to accept any more passengers” when I asked him why, he said “Well, you may catch the train but you will not get to your destination” – Ah! Can you imagine saying that to a Najia Spiri babe like me – “I will get to my destination in Jesus Name Oh!” On the BBC travel website, all the major motorways were blocked off – M1, M6, M25 – all of them. And the death toll from the storms were rising. First it was 4, then 6.
I finally decided to brave it on the roads by 6:30pm and prayed to God for His protection. As I drove down, I pondered on the fragility of life… some people woke up that morning like any other and due to a bit of a storm, that was it – life over. On the radio, the news reader was talking about the latest fatality, a 2 and a half year old who was crushed to death by a wall falling on him in the storm. I switched over to my CD player, I did not want to hear any more bad news.
Thank God for His mercies, I arrived home – in one piece – 2 and a half hours later. Dominique was feeling much better and had eaten. My friend had cooked rice and fish stew. Thank God for good friends.
Friday was uneventful – apart from the house looking a tip because Dominique was off sick – it went okay. I popped out with Kitan to the pharmacist at Boots because he was getting discharges from his left ear. By the time we got home, the mess had gotten to Dominique and she had dragged herself from her sick bed to have a quick tidy… bless her! I was going to do it myself – eventually.
Saturday was a special day – my baby was 2 and a half years old! I spent the morning at the hair dressers and regaled them with excerpts from my blog – my friend Nneka was there too. They were particularly amused at the ‘broken down door’ incident. Later that day Kitan and I had a couple of kiddie birthday parties to attend but when we got home in the evening, we all had our own little family celebration. I am totally besotted with my little boy obviously but I once read somewhere that “Apart from good manners, the next best thing we can give our children are good memories” –
Kitan was thrilled to be blowing out his candle on his cake. We sang ‘Happy Birthday’ for him and took a few pictures. It soon went pear shaped because he then wanted to use the camera himself and cried when his daddy won’t let him, then he wanted to cut the cake himself with the huge kitchen knife I had used for the pictures. Oh well… it’s about the memories right.Because he’d slept late, I told Tunji to go ahead on Sunday to church and Kitan and I will follow later when he wakes up. When he did get up, the ear discharge looked worse and he would not let me touch the ear or anything part of the left side of his face. I called my friend Bernie, whose son had had grommets put in too and she suggested taking him to A&E to be safe (thanks Bernie… said through gritted teeth). – thus began my 5 hour visit to the A&E department at Royal Free Hospital Hampstead. Tunji came to meet us there after church and we finally left with a prescription for Paracetamol and some ear drops. I even had to make a fuss before an ENT doctor would even come down and see him. The NHS is rubbish!
Anyway, again God stepped in for us… Monday morning came and for the first time I was looking forward to getting back to the comparative peace and quiet of Leicester. What a weekend! Tunji called me on my drive in to say Kitan had woken up and there was no ear discharge whatsoever. Super!
The Good - Week 11
I was reading over the last few weeks of my blog and felt I could highlight the positives a bit more. This adventure so far has been harrowing but there have been some good bits especially now that it’s been 11 weeks. As we say in training speak – let’s have a recap…
1. I’ve actually settled into a personality that is authentically me. The ‘tough black amazonian’ perception is still out there and there is not a lot I can do about that. I’m fairly comfortable in myself and succumb much much less to the pressure to ‘belong’.
2. I’ve made some friends – mostly from amongst the Naija contractor community here –there are over 400 people on the project I’m working on and the only black people, 8 in number, on this project are us contractors – there are no black permanent staff. This Shilpa issue on BB has brought racism to the fore – but it’s being reported as ‘alleged racism’ because people don’t recognise racism is much more subtle than a bunch of KKK zealots with flaming torches in their hands.
Explain why the company I work for right now does not have any black people in management or why in the largest SAP implementation project in Europe so far, there are only a handful of black people and none of them permanent staff? When you work in such an environment, you don’t need to be told you are not welcome, you can feel it in the air – it’s in the way they operate as an organisation. I don’t think my senior manager Fran has ever said a voluntary word to me in the last few weeks. He happily responds to my ‘Good mornings’ or ‘Had a good weekend?’ but he does not greet me first or even ask of my weekend – and this was the person that was gushing down the phone during my phone interview as to how great the company was and how they will accommodate my family needs to ensure I’m not away too much from my son – does he even ask how the son is? No! Is this racism? prejudice? Well, allegedly eh?
This post was supposed to a chronicle of what’s been good so far… but you know what, no matter how good it can get here, I’ve had better. My friend Emma says, you can’t keep throwing in the towel anytime things go right, and I agree with here, but where do you draw the line? The longest I’ve ever worked anywhere was 18 months – and even that was a fantastic working environment – the rest started okay as they always do but have ended up being one crap situation after the other. At least I had the choice to work or give up some luxuries and stay home. Many ethnic minorities all across the country are stuck in their own BB situation that is their work places… who is saying STOP! This bullying, exclusion, name calling, career suppression etc… has to stop.
I started off wanting to write about the Good - but ended up writing about the Ugly that is working in the UK today.
Is anyone out there having a better experience? Honestly? What are the alternatives? Is working for church one?
By the way, I was bowled over by the respones to my Church work 'dimela' (I watched that episode of BB too) - no one is in the middle - most absolutely think it's the wrong thing to do and the others think it's a good thing...
I'm still not sure, I just have to pray about it some more.
1. I’ve actually settled into a personality that is authentically me. The ‘tough black amazonian’ perception is still out there and there is not a lot I can do about that. I’m fairly comfortable in myself and succumb much much less to the pressure to ‘belong’.
2. I’ve made some friends – mostly from amongst the Naija contractor community here –there are over 400 people on the project I’m working on and the only black people, 8 in number, on this project are us contractors – there are no black permanent staff. This Shilpa issue on BB has brought racism to the fore – but it’s being reported as ‘alleged racism’ because people don’t recognise racism is much more subtle than a bunch of KKK zealots with flaming torches in their hands.
Explain why the company I work for right now does not have any black people in management or why in the largest SAP implementation project in Europe so far, there are only a handful of black people and none of them permanent staff? When you work in such an environment, you don’t need to be told you are not welcome, you can feel it in the air – it’s in the way they operate as an organisation. I don’t think my senior manager Fran has ever said a voluntary word to me in the last few weeks. He happily responds to my ‘Good mornings’ or ‘Had a good weekend?’ but he does not greet me first or even ask of my weekend – and this was the person that was gushing down the phone during my phone interview as to how great the company was and how they will accommodate my family needs to ensure I’m not away too much from my son – does he even ask how the son is? No! Is this racism? prejudice? Well, allegedly eh?
This post was supposed to a chronicle of what’s been good so far… but you know what, no matter how good it can get here, I’ve had better. My friend Emma says, you can’t keep throwing in the towel anytime things go right, and I agree with here, but where do you draw the line? The longest I’ve ever worked anywhere was 18 months – and even that was a fantastic working environment – the rest started okay as they always do but have ended up being one crap situation after the other. At least I had the choice to work or give up some luxuries and stay home. Many ethnic minorities all across the country are stuck in their own BB situation that is their work places… who is saying STOP! This bullying, exclusion, name calling, career suppression etc… has to stop.
I started off wanting to write about the Good - but ended up writing about the Ugly that is working in the UK today.
Is anyone out there having a better experience? Honestly? What are the alternatives? Is working for church one?
By the way, I was bowled over by the respones to my Church work 'dimela' (I watched that episode of BB too) - no one is in the middle - most absolutely think it's the wrong thing to do and the others think it's a good thing...
I'm still not sure, I just have to pray about it some more.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Super Mummy
After such a intriguing week, I was looking forward to the normality of home. My manager kindly allowed me to leave at 3pm. I hung around for another 10-15 minutes before setting off home. As I hit the motorway, I was mentally preparing myself to get off at Junction 12 whilst at the same time listening out on the radio for any traffic information on the M1 motorway. There were no adverse traffic reports and I decided to stay on the motorway all the way home - as a colleague had suggested.
It was the best move ever and I pulled into my drive at 4:32pm - only an hour and a half after I left work. A true record and I was very pleased - it was still daylight even.
After playing with Kitan for a few hours, I was really tired and went up for a nap at 6:30pm - I'd told Dominique to wake me at 7pm because I wanted to bathe him and put him to bed. I woke up at 8pm groggy and confused - I knew I was home but not sure how I'd gotten into bed - and I could hear Kitan crying. I came downstairs and he was being bathed by Tunji. I'm not sure why he was crying so I left them and went down to the kitchen to find something to eat. While in the kitchen, I heard his cry go up an octave, I rushed up the stairs to find out what was going on... and Tunji hearing me come up, locked the bathroom door - as a joke he says. When I got to the door and found it locked, I positioned myself and broke it down. Yes! I broke down the bathroom door - all of this without a word said. It was not superhuman strength coming upon me or anything like that and the door is a light interior door but I only realised what I'd done when I saw the shock on Tunji and Kitan's faces.
"Omara!!!" Tunji screamed - "What is the matter with you?" - Kitan that was screaming his head off a minute ago was deathly quiet - probably thinking to himself "She certainly looks like my mummy".
Anyway, we concluded that I was probably more tired than I thought, heard my baby crying and went into an adrenaline-fueled "Lioness saving baby cub" mode.
That was Friday. Saturday was a lot of fun - I took Kitan on the tube for the first time. We went to Trafalgar Square for the annual Russian Winter Festival. He was excited to be on a "choo-choo" and the entertainment at the event was spectacular (see pictures). Tunji met us up there and we all headed back home together sitting at the front on the top of the double decker bus. Another first for Kitan and he loved it. We went through Oxford Street and through Finchley so there was lots to see from the bus. It was a great family day out and quite cheap actually - just goes to show, sometimes we don't need the Legolands and Alton Towers to entertain the children.
On Sunday, after church, we went to my sister's while she and her husband were away on a romantic four day break to Dubai to visit her children, Kitan's cousins. The boy is 4 and the daughter is 2 and a half. They love Kitan to bits and they all had a wonderful afternoon/evening playing to their hearts content. Watching them made me feel like being small again. The delight and joy they felt being in each other's company was sweet - plus ofcourse, they haven't a care in the world.
Not so for me as I reflected on returning back to Leicester first thing the next mornining.
It was the best move ever and I pulled into my drive at 4:32pm - only an hour and a half after I left work. A true record and I was very pleased - it was still daylight even.
After playing with Kitan for a few hours, I was really tired and went up for a nap at 6:30pm - I'd told Dominique to wake me at 7pm because I wanted to bathe him and put him to bed. I woke up at 8pm groggy and confused - I knew I was home but not sure how I'd gotten into bed - and I could hear Kitan crying. I came downstairs and he was being bathed by Tunji. I'm not sure why he was crying so I left them and went down to the kitchen to find something to eat. While in the kitchen, I heard his cry go up an octave, I rushed up the stairs to find out what was going on... and Tunji hearing me come up, locked the bathroom door - as a joke he says. When I got to the door and found it locked, I positioned myself and broke it down. Yes! I broke down the bathroom door - all of this without a word said. It was not superhuman strength coming upon me or anything like that and the door is a light interior door but I only realised what I'd done when I saw the shock on Tunji and Kitan's faces.
"Omara!!!" Tunji screamed - "What is the matter with you?" - Kitan that was screaming his head off a minute ago was deathly quiet - probably thinking to himself "She certainly looks like my mummy".
Anyway, we concluded that I was probably more tired than I thought, heard my baby crying and went into an adrenaline-fueled "Lioness saving baby cub" mode.
That was Friday. Saturday was a lot of fun - I took Kitan on the tube for the first time. We went to Trafalgar Square for the annual Russian Winter Festival. He was excited to be on a "choo-choo" and the entertainment at the event was spectacular (see pictures). Tunji met us up there and we all headed back home together sitting at the front on the top of the double decker bus. Another first for Kitan and he loved it. We went through Oxford Street and through Finchley so there was lots to see from the bus. It was a great family day out and quite cheap actually - just goes to show, sometimes we don't need the Legolands and Alton Towers to entertain the children.On Sunday, after church, we went to my sister's while she and her husband were away on a romantic four day break to Dubai to visit her children, Kitan's cousins. The boy is 4 and the daughter is 2 and a half. They love Kitan to bits and they all had a wonderful afternoon/evening playing to their hearts content. Watching them made me feel like being small again. The delight and joy they felt being in each other's company was sweet - plus ofcourse, they haven't a care in the world.
Not so for me as I reflected on returning back to Leicester first thing the next mornining.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Office Politics
This was my first full week of work since the Christmas holidays... and it was tough. Not only did I have the daily grind to worry about, office politics began to rear it's ugly head in my direction. One of
the things I liked about contracting was; it was simple, you go in, do a job and then get out. No point over-exerting yourself as there are no promotion prospects plus if you do what you were employed to
do, your job is safe for the duration.
I had already established that I was working with a lot of unprofessional people who see in their work here not just a job but also a substitue family support system. One of the young-girl trainers, the 24 year old, spent the greater part of the week crying, refusing to come into work and threatening to leave all because whilst she was training her own colleagues, somebody said something 'not nice' to her. Please note, nobody insulted her or abused her or even threatened her, they just did not speak nice to her. This is the same problem I had with them when I first started and now it was happening again, only with someone else. This time, it was clear to all that they were dealing with a very immature human being. She sent text to the manager that everyone was a back-stabber including him. I later found out that she had propositioned him saying if she did not have her current boyfriend, she would be with him in a shot. I'm probably naive but I did not believe this was going on in a professional I.T environment.
By the time the week was out, after much negotiations with the manager and the support of her sister, who actually came into work with her to make sure she was okay, she went round to every member of the team apologising for her behaviour. Fair enough... I'll just sit back and wait for the next 'House of Tiny Tearaways' episode here at work.
When mothers returning to work joke that working with their children has given them the skills to cope in the workplace, they aren't actually joking...
The course I specialise in is BW, it is a specialist course only trained out to senior management and it seems someone is not happy about that and wants me to train it out to a few of my colleagues so the knowledge is not monopolised by only one person - me. My friend, Sandra, is not happy about that... she wants me to hold on to my skills and make myself invaluable. This is the sort of wheeling and dealing I do not want to do. I have always believed that as it is God who got me into this role, it would be Him that would manage things in my favour. The minute I go to take control of it myself, I would make a mess of it.
I contemplated on this as I drove to the other work site for a meeting with the BW Senior deployment team. I really wanted to find out from them when the BW material would be ready so I could train it out to my colleagues. However, when I got there, they were furious that the Training Manager was planning to have trainers inexperienced in BW train it out. They made a long list of this and other issues they felt were a problem and told me they would take care of it. I believe this has taken the matter out of my hands and I can focus on what I need to do my job.
Talking about work in general, I had been pondering about the other job offer I had received, working with the Church Office and I do have a dilemna on my hands:
1. If I leave this job before May to work for church:
a) Benjamin would be upset and never find me a job again should I need him in the future
b) I would be broke earning much less money
c) I.T career would go off the rails – again!
2. If I leave this job before May for another job:
a) Church would be upset
b) Benjamin would be upset and never find me a job again should I need him in the future
3. If I wait till end of contract in May to leave this job then get another I.T job in London:
a) Church would be upset
4. If I wait till May to leave this job for church
a) I would be broke earning less money
b) I.T career would go off the rails
What a situation?
I've only highlighted the negatives because whichever option I choose, the positive would be living in London and being at home with Tunji and Kitan again.
When I sent this list above to Tunji for his comment, he had some really good suggestions and insight into the situation. If you do too, please share.
the things I liked about contracting was; it was simple, you go in, do a job and then get out. No point over-exerting yourself as there are no promotion prospects plus if you do what you were employed to
do, your job is safe for the duration.
I had already established that I was working with a lot of unprofessional people who see in their work here not just a job but also a substitue family support system. One of the young-girl trainers, the 24 year old, spent the greater part of the week crying, refusing to come into work and threatening to leave all because whilst she was training her own colleagues, somebody said something 'not nice' to her. Please note, nobody insulted her or abused her or even threatened her, they just did not speak nice to her. This is the same problem I had with them when I first started and now it was happening again, only with someone else. This time, it was clear to all that they were dealing with a very immature human being. She sent text to the manager that everyone was a back-stabber including him. I later found out that she had propositioned him saying if she did not have her current boyfriend, she would be with him in a shot. I'm probably naive but I did not believe this was going on in a professional I.T environment.
By the time the week was out, after much negotiations with the manager and the support of her sister, who actually came into work with her to make sure she was okay, she went round to every member of the team apologising for her behaviour. Fair enough... I'll just sit back and wait for the next 'House of Tiny Tearaways' episode here at work.
When mothers returning to work joke that working with their children has given them the skills to cope in the workplace, they aren't actually joking...
The course I specialise in is BW, it is a specialist course only trained out to senior management and it seems someone is not happy about that and wants me to train it out to a few of my colleagues so the knowledge is not monopolised by only one person - me. My friend, Sandra, is not happy about that... she wants me to hold on to my skills and make myself invaluable. This is the sort of wheeling and dealing I do not want to do. I have always believed that as it is God who got me into this role, it would be Him that would manage things in my favour. The minute I go to take control of it myself, I would make a mess of it.
I contemplated on this as I drove to the other work site for a meeting with the BW Senior deployment team. I really wanted to find out from them when the BW material would be ready so I could train it out to my colleagues. However, when I got there, they were furious that the Training Manager was planning to have trainers inexperienced in BW train it out. They made a long list of this and other issues they felt were a problem and told me they would take care of it. I believe this has taken the matter out of my hands and I can focus on what I need to do my job.
Talking about work in general, I had been pondering about the other job offer I had received, working with the Church Office and I do have a dilemna on my hands:
1. If I leave this job before May to work for church:
a) Benjamin would be upset and never find me a job again should I need him in the future
b) I would be broke earning much less money
c) I.T career would go off the rails – again!
2. If I leave this job before May for another job:
a) Church would be upset
b) Benjamin would be upset and never find me a job again should I need him in the future
3. If I wait till end of contract in May to leave this job then get another I.T job in London:
a) Church would be upset
4. If I wait till May to leave this job for church
a) I would be broke earning less money
b) I.T career would go off the rails
What a situation?
I've only highlighted the negatives because whichever option I choose, the positive would be living in London and being at home with Tunji and Kitan again.
When I sent this list above to Tunji for his comment, he had some really good suggestions and insight into the situation. If you do too, please share.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
New Year? What's New?
Well apart from the date? What else is new? I figure it will take more than the 24 hour change from one year to the next to make a significant difference in my life right now. I'm still settling into the newness that is my life at the moment with working and living in Leicester, I resisted the urge to make any New Year resolutions.
Change is good, but change takes getting used to and the process of that is sometimes not so good.
In the 2 weeks before Christmas, Tunji was in Nigeria so I played single-mum for a bit. It meant getting the train mid-week from Leicester at the end of the working day to get home for 6:30pm, playing with Kitan for a couple of hours before he went to bed, then catching the train out back to Leicester for 7am to get into work by 9am. I had to do that twice and this is apart from driving home on Friday and returning to Leicester Monday mornings. It was hard!
By the time it was Christmas, and Tunji was back, we just wanted to spend time together with our son for Christmas - none of the usual full house with my sisters, cousins and their families and friends, none of the usual Secret Santa present buying we do and no visiting of friends.
We did decorate the house with Kitan, we had a fully loaded Christmas tree with presents
underneath, we had lights inside and outside the house and we had decorations from the ceiling and along the walls. We did it for the baby but it was nice actually, it made me smile anytime I walked back in through the door. Thank God for Tesco shopping online... my initial experiences with them years ago were horrible but now, they provide a stellar service and they saved the day for my Christmas shopping. I only had to pop in to pick up the duck we were having, everything else was delivered. Since I've been in Leicester, I use them every forthnight and so far so great!
After a nice, long, relaxing Christmas break, I was dreading returning to Leicester... the thought was giving me nightmares. I did not want to go back, bottom line, but I could not see anyway out of it.
I often act by how I feel rather than what is the right thing to do and it was a real test of the strength of my character to feel like not going but go anyway. I was proud of myself.
I got in on the 3rd of Jan, driving straight into work and as I suspected, no one had their act together and we faffed around the whole day. It was impossible for me to fall asleep that night as I had not been there for almost 2 weeks, the bed felt strange. I finally fell asleep at 2:30am and of course over slept the next morning, waking up at 9:10am - I'm supposed to be at work by 9am!! I finally got into work at 9:50am only to find out that the senior manager, Fran, had decided to have a 9am - 10am meeting with all the trainers and ofcourse I missed it. Oh well! That night, again, sleeping was a problem and I fell asleep at 2am. I got into work that Friday morning on time but I knew it was crucial I adjusted quickly to being back in Leicester because not only was I too tired for work during the day, I was too tired for the drive back to London that afternoon... but I drove anyway. Thank God for His mercies!
I was grumpy the first weekend back... biting everyone's head off. I guess I was back to my snatched moments at home and wanted to blame everyone for it but myself. A job opportunity then presented itself, doing something totally different, working for the church... but I'm not 100% sure it'll be the right move for me. For the moment they are prepared to wait until the end of my current contract and I can only see the benefits - flexible hours, more time lunching with friends and at home with Kitan, Spiritual growth, working 5 mins from home with the occassional international travel. It is also giving me an option - whether or not I take it - it means there is something at the end of the road after Leicester. I have options!
Change is good, but change takes getting used to and the process of that is sometimes not so good.
In the 2 weeks before Christmas, Tunji was in Nigeria so I played single-mum for a bit. It meant getting the train mid-week from Leicester at the end of the working day to get home for 6:30pm, playing with Kitan for a couple of hours before he went to bed, then catching the train out back to Leicester for 7am to get into work by 9am. I had to do that twice and this is apart from driving home on Friday and returning to Leicester Monday mornings. It was hard!
By the time it was Christmas, and Tunji was back, we just wanted to spend time together with our son for Christmas - none of the usual full house with my sisters, cousins and their families and friends, none of the usual Secret Santa present buying we do and no visiting of friends.
We did decorate the house with Kitan, we had a fully loaded Christmas tree with presents
underneath, we had lights inside and outside the house and we had decorations from the ceiling and along the walls. We did it for the baby but it was nice actually, it made me smile anytime I walked back in through the door. Thank God for Tesco shopping online... my initial experiences with them years ago were horrible but now, they provide a stellar service and they saved the day for my Christmas shopping. I only had to pop in to pick up the duck we were having, everything else was delivered. Since I've been in Leicester, I use them every forthnight and so far so great!After a nice, long, relaxing Christmas break, I was dreading returning to Leicester... the thought was giving me nightmares. I did not want to go back, bottom line, but I could not see anyway out of it.
I often act by how I feel rather than what is the right thing to do and it was a real test of the strength of my character to feel like not going but go anyway. I was proud of myself.
I got in on the 3rd of Jan, driving straight into work and as I suspected, no one had their act together and we faffed around the whole day. It was impossible for me to fall asleep that night as I had not been there for almost 2 weeks, the bed felt strange. I finally fell asleep at 2:30am and of course over slept the next morning, waking up at 9:10am - I'm supposed to be at work by 9am!! I finally got into work at 9:50am only to find out that the senior manager, Fran, had decided to have a 9am - 10am meeting with all the trainers and ofcourse I missed it. Oh well! That night, again, sleeping was a problem and I fell asleep at 2am. I got into work that Friday morning on time but I knew it was crucial I adjusted quickly to being back in Leicester because not only was I too tired for work during the day, I was too tired for the drive back to London that afternoon... but I drove anyway. Thank God for His mercies!
I was grumpy the first weekend back... biting everyone's head off. I guess I was back to my snatched moments at home and wanted to blame everyone for it but myself. A job opportunity then presented itself, doing something totally different, working for the church... but I'm not 100% sure it'll be the right move for me. For the moment they are prepared to wait until the end of my current contract and I can only see the benefits - flexible hours, more time lunching with friends and at home with Kitan, Spiritual growth, working 5 mins from home with the occassional international travel. It is also giving me an option - whether or not I take it - it means there is something at the end of the road after Leicester. I have options!
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Glad all is well at home. Can't believe you waited till I was safely out of the country before you went to Ping Pong :( Judging by the amount of carbs I have eaten in Lagos, I guess I won't be dining out until my birthday in April as I intend to seriously hit the gym when I get back. In the meantime, I will be eating meatpies, puff puff, pounded yam and the like before I get back. Miss you loads. KK
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Weekend four - Girls just wanna have fun!
This weekend was going to be the longest number of days I'd spent at home since I started working and living in Leicester. I had been able to leave work on Thursday to see Tunji off as well as arrange to 'work from home' on Friday.
Apart from a short telephone conference call meeting about 1pm, I was free to do as I pleased. Kitan goes to nursery on Friday too so I had a bit of a lie in. Admittedly, my laptop was switched on and on my bedside table, I had a lazy morning just chilling.
By 3:30pm, I went to get Kitan from nursery and took him home for his late afternoon meal. After playing at home with him for a few hours, we went to a friend's house a few streets away to play with her 2 year old daughter.
While there, about 5:30pm, my friend Ronx called asking if I wanted to go shopping to
House of Fraser in the West End. "Sure!" I cried... I'd just been paid and for the first time in ages, I had some serious money all to myself. No over-cautious hubby around telling me to be sensible and after a bonding day with Kitan, I could hand him over guilt-free to Dominique - afterall that's what she's there for.
Ronx picked me up about 6:30pm and we got to House of Fraser just after 7pm, they closed at 8pm so we did not have much shopping time left. Ronx wanted an expensive new coat and we found the perfect one at Coast, the best quality wool in red and white - and only £95! Reduced from £220 - so that was a bargain. I was tempted to get one myself but if was going to be honest, I already had one in a similar colour. I was looking out for a pair of low heeled black leather boots, not too pointy in front that it'll kill me to walk. I did see lots of lovely boots but none that would go round my calves. Drats!!! Anyway, I found other things to splurge one - a lip fixative from Guerlain to keep lipstick on all day (£16)and a lip gloss applicator from Fashion Fair (£12).
Was that all? It seems I could not have a mad spending binge if I tried. After so long spending hubby's money ever so carefully, I'd forgotten what it was like to splash out... just because.
Anyway, it was now closing time and we had to leave. We got back to where we parked the car and was driving off to find somewhere to eat when we passed Debenhams and noticed it was still open. Woo hoo! We swung into a side street, parked and ran in. When we checked, it was open till 9pm, so that gave us some more shopping time.
I decided to get my act together and flex that card... by the time we left, I'd bought a black pinstripe suit, a mustard yellow funky top, a pair of grey check trousers and God knows what else! Ronx bought some more stuff too.
Bulging with bags, we left with a satisfied smug grin on our faces. Nothing bonds 2 girls like shopping. In the midst of inspecting the merchandise, we had shared our joys and frustrations then counselled each other, then shoppped some more! It was great.
By now we were starved, Ronx drove us to Ping Pong - a delightful Chinese restaurant specialising in Dim Sum. She and other friends had been here before and had raved about the food, so I was especially pleased to be here to sample the delights for myself. Despite needing to book on a busy Friday night which we hadn't, we were quickly ushered to seats thus beginning our Dim Sum extravaganza - delicate parcels of meat, chicken, pork, crab, lobster and God knows what else were delivered to our table with a myriad of dips. It was yummy beyond words. I ordered a martini cocktail and then another (I'm so ashamed of myself - NOT) - Ronx had a non-alcoholic cocktail because she was driving but you would not know to look at her, she was 'merrier' than I was. Infact, we were such a jolly pair, the fact that we found the car clamped when we left the restaurant did not dampen our mood one bit. 
"It's only money eh?" we said laughing. We called them up, paid up and they sent the 'clamp remover' man over.
Ronx dropped me off just after midnight and I went straight to bed.
Saturday was fun too. Woke up, played with Kitan, cooked then Dominique took him to the high street for a bit of fresh air, while I chilled at home catching up on my recorded programmes.
My friend Jos had delivered a baby boy the week before and I had planned to go over and see Mummy and baby on the Sunday after church with Kitan. Ronx was going to be coming along with us too. I remember going to Jos' wedding several years before and I know she had been trying since then to get pregnant. I know of that struggle all too well and truly rejoiced with her at God's goodness. After church, I picked up Ronx and off we went, getting to Jos' house about 2:30pm. The baby was gorgeous with a mass of straight black hair. The only problem was Kitan won't let me carry the baby. He cried anytime I tried saying "Mine, mine" - that is, his mummy is his and no one elses. Everyone else there found it very amusing and asked him if he wants his mummy to have another baby, to which he replied with a loud emphatic "No" - lucky for him I'm not terribly keen myself.
We left about 5:30pm, dropped Ronx off and went on home. I did not realise how tired I was and was dozing off while watching TV. My cousin (who's living with me) very kindly took Kitan off, bathed him then dressed him for bed. I fed him his dinner and put him to bed by 8pm.
I decided not to head off to Leicester that night... I was too tired. I just got my stuff together and set my alarm for 5:15am so as to make my way by 6am.
Apart from a short telephone conference call meeting about 1pm, I was free to do as I pleased. Kitan goes to nursery on Friday too so I had a bit of a lie in. Admittedly, my laptop was switched on and on my bedside table, I had a lazy morning just chilling.
By 3:30pm, I went to get Kitan from nursery and took him home for his late afternoon meal. After playing at home with him for a few hours, we went to a friend's house a few streets away to play with her 2 year old daughter.
While there, about 5:30pm, my friend Ronx called asking if I wanted to go shopping to
House of Fraser in the West End. "Sure!" I cried... I'd just been paid and for the first time in ages, I had some serious money all to myself. No over-cautious hubby around telling me to be sensible and after a bonding day with Kitan, I could hand him over guilt-free to Dominique - afterall that's what she's there for.Ronx picked me up about 6:30pm and we got to House of Fraser just after 7pm, they closed at 8pm so we did not have much shopping time left. Ronx wanted an expensive new coat and we found the perfect one at Coast, the best quality wool in red and white - and only £95! Reduced from £220 - so that was a bargain. I was tempted to get one myself but if was going to be honest, I already had one in a similar colour. I was looking out for a pair of low heeled black leather boots, not too pointy in front that it'll kill me to walk. I did see lots of lovely boots but none that would go round my calves. Drats!!! Anyway, I found other things to splurge one - a lip fixative from Guerlain to keep lipstick on all day (£16)and a lip gloss applicator from Fashion Fair (£12).
Was that all? It seems I could not have a mad spending binge if I tried. After so long spending hubby's money ever so carefully, I'd forgotten what it was like to splash out... just because.
Anyway, it was now closing time and we had to leave. We got back to where we parked the car and was driving off to find somewhere to eat when we passed Debenhams and noticed it was still open. Woo hoo! We swung into a side street, parked and ran in. When we checked, it was open till 9pm, so that gave us some more shopping time.
I decided to get my act together and flex that card... by the time we left, I'd bought a black pinstripe suit, a mustard yellow funky top, a pair of grey check trousers and God knows what else! Ronx bought some more stuff too.
Bulging with bags, we left with a satisfied smug grin on our faces. Nothing bonds 2 girls like shopping. In the midst of inspecting the merchandise, we had shared our joys and frustrations then counselled each other, then shoppped some more! It was great.
By now we were starved, Ronx drove us to Ping Pong - a delightful Chinese restaurant specialising in Dim Sum. She and other friends had been here before and had raved about the food, so I was especially pleased to be here to sample the delights for myself. Despite needing to book on a busy Friday night which we hadn't, we were quickly ushered to seats thus beginning our Dim Sum extravaganza - delicate parcels of meat, chicken, pork, crab, lobster and God knows what else were delivered to our table with a myriad of dips. It was yummy beyond words. I ordered a martini cocktail and then another (I'm so ashamed of myself - NOT) - Ronx had a non-alcoholic cocktail because she was driving but you would not know to look at her, she was 'merrier' than I was. Infact, we were such a jolly pair, the fact that we found the car clamped when we left the restaurant did not dampen our mood one bit. 
"It's only money eh?" we said laughing. We called them up, paid up and they sent the 'clamp remover' man over.Ronx dropped me off just after midnight and I went straight to bed.
Saturday was fun too. Woke up, played with Kitan, cooked then Dominique took him to the high street for a bit of fresh air, while I chilled at home catching up on my recorded programmes.
My friend Jos had delivered a baby boy the week before and I had planned to go over and see Mummy and baby on the Sunday after church with Kitan. Ronx was going to be coming along with us too. I remember going to Jos' wedding several years before and I know she had been trying since then to get pregnant. I know of that struggle all too well and truly rejoiced with her at God's goodness. After church, I picked up Ronx and off we went, getting to Jos' house about 2:30pm. The baby was gorgeous with a mass of straight black hair. The only problem was Kitan won't let me carry the baby. He cried anytime I tried saying "Mine, mine" - that is, his mummy is his and no one elses. Everyone else there found it very amusing and asked him if he wants his mummy to have another baby, to which he replied with a loud emphatic "No" - lucky for him I'm not terribly keen myself.
We left about 5:30pm, dropped Ronx off and went on home. I did not realise how tired I was and was dozing off while watching TV. My cousin (who's living with me) very kindly took Kitan off, bathed him then dressed him for bed. I fed him his dinner and put him to bed by 8pm.
I decided not to head off to Leicester that night... I was too tired. I just got my stuff together and set my alarm for 5:15am so as to make my way by 6am.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Week 5 - Love conquers all
I knew work was going to be very busy this week, my training schedule was full and I had a lot to learn in order to train. I'll be working day (doing training) and night (studying) to put in my best.
Despite this, I could not get the thought that Tunji was travelling on Thursday out of my head. He had asked me to come see him off and I asked him in return if he was crazy! Why would I drive all the way from Leicester, a 180 mile round trip, just to come and see him off. That was that... there was no way I was coming.
Apart from the hassle of driving, I was training on Thursday anyway. It was a brand new course and quite difficult, there was no way I could finish training in enough time to get to Heathrow before 8pm when he checks in, for all I knew, the course could finish at 6pm. It hadn't been trained out before and no one knew how long it'll really take.
Anyway, the week started well enough but by Tuesday morning, I'd developed a headache and it lasted the whole day. I took some pain killers before bed but when my alarm went off at 6:40am and I woke up, I still had it. Without even thinking what I was doing, I stripped off my pyjamas, wore my gym clothes (that had been laid out since the first night I got to Leicester 4 weeks ago), put on my trainers, ran down the stairs and out the door and started jogging.
I could not believe it. Me jogging? Without a fitness plan, without a spreadsheet exercise tracking document, without any fanfare... without any pre-anything, I just got up and did it. I amazed myself as I did a mile, ending up back at home. In all it took me 35 mins because I fast walked back but I felt great, refreshed and invigorated. By the time I had a shower and got dressed, the headache was gone.
While at work training, I'm cooped in doors with very warm central heating, the only fresh air I get is in the walk from and to my car and my body was beginning to protest.
Thursday morning, I had woken up and dressed in my gym clothes before I looked out and realised it was pouring down with heavy torrential rain. Stumped, I was not sure what to do... I certainly had not factored adverse weather conditions into this new fitness drive. I did not realise I was praying when I said "God, I need to get out there in the fresh air and exercise, what do I do?" - the next thing I knew, the rain had stopped! It took me only 25 mins this time to do the mile and I felt so good - mentally and physically.
This had been a big part of the plan for my Leicester Life and I did not realise that the energy I spent putting it off was way more than the energy I spent in actually doing it, not to mention the benefits. It felt really good.
It was Thursday now and I was beginning to feel that I could not let Tunji go off to Nigeria that night without seeing him. The only problem was how to make that happen. This prayer thing was beginning to work so much better for me so I prayed again, asking God to make it possible.
By the time I got to work and started training, I realised it will be possible to finish by 4pm and if I headed off straight away, at the worst, I'll be in London for 7-7:30pm - then I had the brainwave to ask to work from home on Friday which meant I'll be home from Thursday night right through to Monday morning. My request was granted, I wrapped up the course by 3:45 and by 4pm I was on my way.
I got home by 6:15pm and Tunji could not believe I had done that for him... he said "I know for sure that somewhere deep down Omara, you still love me". I drove him to the airport (no traffic), by 8pm he was all checked in. Dominique had packed some pasta and meatball sauce which we shared. We talked, we prayed, we kissed... and then it was time for him to go.
Despite this, I could not get the thought that Tunji was travelling on Thursday out of my head. He had asked me to come see him off and I asked him in return if he was crazy! Why would I drive all the way from Leicester, a 180 mile round trip, just to come and see him off. That was that... there was no way I was coming.
Apart from the hassle of driving, I was training on Thursday anyway. It was a brand new course and quite difficult, there was no way I could finish training in enough time to get to Heathrow before 8pm when he checks in, for all I knew, the course could finish at 6pm. It hadn't been trained out before and no one knew how long it'll really take.
Anyway, the week started well enough but by Tuesday morning, I'd developed a headache and it lasted the whole day. I took some pain killers before bed but when my alarm went off at 6:40am and I woke up, I still had it. Without even thinking what I was doing, I stripped off my pyjamas, wore my gym clothes (that had been laid out since the first night I got to Leicester 4 weeks ago), put on my trainers, ran down the stairs and out the door and started jogging.
I could not believe it. Me jogging? Without a fitness plan, without a spreadsheet exercise tracking document, without any fanfare... without any pre-anything, I just got up and did it. I amazed myself as I did a mile, ending up back at home. In all it took me 35 mins because I fast walked back but I felt great, refreshed and invigorated. By the time I had a shower and got dressed, the headache was gone.While at work training, I'm cooped in doors with very warm central heating, the only fresh air I get is in the walk from and to my car and my body was beginning to protest.
Thursday morning, I had woken up and dressed in my gym clothes before I looked out and realised it was pouring down with heavy torrential rain. Stumped, I was not sure what to do... I certainly had not factored adverse weather conditions into this new fitness drive. I did not realise I was praying when I said "God, I need to get out there in the fresh air and exercise, what do I do?" - the next thing I knew, the rain had stopped! It took me only 25 mins this time to do the mile and I felt so good - mentally and physically.
This had been a big part of the plan for my Leicester Life and I did not realise that the energy I spent putting it off was way more than the energy I spent in actually doing it, not to mention the benefits. It felt really good.
It was Thursday now and I was beginning to feel that I could not let Tunji go off to Nigeria that night without seeing him. The only problem was how to make that happen. This prayer thing was beginning to work so much better for me so I prayed again, asking God to make it possible.
By the time I got to work and started training, I realised it will be possible to finish by 4pm and if I headed off straight away, at the worst, I'll be in London for 7-7:30pm - then I had the brainwave to ask to work from home on Friday which meant I'll be home from Thursday night right through to Monday morning. My request was granted, I wrapped up the course by 3:45 and by 4pm I was on my way.
I got home by 6:15pm and Tunji could not believe I had done that for him... he said "I know for sure that somewhere deep down Omara, you still love me". I drove him to the airport (no traffic), by 8pm he was all checked in. Dominique had packed some pasta and meatball sauce which we shared. We talked, we prayed, we kissed... and then it was time for him to go.
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France, Italy, Spain - here we come!
Omara's Weight loss progress (started diet 17th March 2007)
